Ephesians 6:10

"Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might." Ephesians 6:10

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Strategy 9: Your Hurts (Turning Bitterness to Forgiveness: The Path to Freedom and Beauty as a Believer)


"If I were your enemy, I'd use every opportunity to bring old wounds to mind, as well as the people, events, and circumstances that caused them. I'd try to ensure that your heart was hardened with anger and bitterness. Shackled through unforgiveness. 

Notes from the study: 
  • Who has caused you pain in the past? Or at present?

  • Are you struggling to FULLY forgive them? (i.e. Do you still shudder a little when you write their name? Do you speak poorly of them to others? Do you rehearse in your mind what you would say if you could really give them a piece of your mind for what they did to you? Do you point your finger when they do wrong to prove they were wrong in the past too? Do you avoid them? When their name comes across your phone, do you feel a strong emotion come over you?)

Common Signs of Bitterness:
  • Gossip and Slander (Heb. 12:15-17) - having nothing good to say about this person
  • Ungrateful and Complaining (Phil. 2:14) - murmuring to yourself and complaining to others about this person  
  • Judges Motives (I Cor. 4:5) - even if this person tries to do something nice, you think his or her motive must be wrong 
  • Self-Centered (Phil. 2:4) - thinking about yourself and focusing on the hurts done against you.
  • Excessive Sorrow (Jn. 16:6) - hurt has crowded out your joy, peace or love  
  • Vengeful (Rom.12:17, 19) - looking for ways to avoid this person, give the silence treatment or the cold shoulder to him or her
  • Brooding (I Cor. 13:5) - playing the offense over and over in your mind
  • Loss of Joy (Ps. 119:47) - lately, you have little or no delight in your relationship with the Lord
  • A Critical, Judgemental Attitude (Matt. 7:5) - focusing on what this person has done wrong, rather than focusing on what you are doing wrong.

2 Corinthians 2:5-11, ESV:
"Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you.  
For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough,  
So you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.   
So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.  
For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything.  
Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ,  
So that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs."
  
Satan is working to cripple our effectiveness in prayer. In their book, "The Battle Plan for Prayer," the Kendrick brothers give ten locks of prayer, #9 being, "Praying with bitterness in your heart toward someone." They go on to say, 
"It is sinful to receive God's forgiveness, totally undeserved, and then consider ourselves exempt from the command and responsibility of forgiving others who've offended us. 
'Whenever you stand praying,' Jesus said, 'forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions' (Mark 11:25-26). 
Bitterness is a toxin that not only poisons us spiritually, mentally, even physically, but also poisons the effectiveness of prayer and the full experience of our relationship with God." 

His Forgiveness = Our Freedom
(Matthew 6:14: "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.") 
"Anything that dampens or deadens the freedom that God's mercy is meant to give us—can it really be worth holding onto?" -Fervent 
God knows how to deal with sin. Our sin, their sin. When you forgive, you're not wiping their actions away, but trusting God to handle it. 
Remember that scene in War Room, when Miss Clara says to Elizabeth, "He needs grace." And Elizabeth states that she doesn't think her husband deserves grace. Miss Clara hits the whole idea of forgiveness home for Elizabeth when she answers her with,
"Do you?"
"Do you deserve God's grace?" 
In our previous lesson, "Your Past," we learned what it means that we are forgiven in Christ—that His mercies are new every morning for us, that we are "rooted and grounded" in His love. It is this gospel message—the truth that God loves me and forgives all my sins though I do not deserve it—that compels me to forgive others. 
In Matthew 18: 23-35, Jesus tells the parable of a king that forgives one of his servants ten thousand talents. This man was to be sold, along with his wife and children in order to pay the debt. However, the king forgave the debt in full. This same servant then turns around and throws his servant who owed him a merger hundred pence into prison till he could pay the debt. When the king heard, he threw the servant in prison as well. Jesus ends the parable saying, "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."
[Note: "God does not annul His forgiveness toward a repentant believer, but He will judge those who show their faith to be hypocritical by failing to show grace and forgiveness to others (James 2:13)." -Reformation Heritage Study Bible]
Just like in the parable above, when we have been forgiven so great a debt, how can we not forgive others for their minor offenses toward us by comparison? 
"When my mind is fixed on the gospel, I have ample stimulation to show God's love to other people. For I am always willing to show love to others when I am freshly mindful of the love that God has shown me. Also, the gospel gives me the wherewithal to give forgiving grace to those who have wronged me, for it reminds me daily of the forgiving grace that God is showing me. 
Doing good and showing love to those who have wronged me is always the opposite of what my sinful flesh wants me to do. Nonetheless, when I remind myself of my sins against God and of His forgiving and generous grace toward me, I give the gospel an opportunity to reshape my perspective and to put me in a frame of mind wherein I actually desire to give this same grace to those who have wronged me." -Milton Vincent, A Gospel Primer for Christians 
One of the ladies shared this quote from the book that really encouraged her:
"Realize you are lying back already in a vast blue ocean of forgiveness—same as me, same as all of us who've been redeemed through the blood of Jesus. So there's more than enough of His forgiveness splashing around you to extinguish all the flames of rage, hatred, bitterness, or animosity your enemy may have ignited within you. Remembering what Christ's redemption has done for you will make you eager to do it for another."  -Fervent
So, how do I forgive one who has hurt me?
1. Remember the forgiveness God has shown me (by preaching the gospel to myself everyday). This will compel me to forgive others.
2. Pray for the Lord's help and guidance.
"When galvanized with the living truth of God's Word, fervent prayer is the bucket that can dip down into the reserves of God's strength and pull up all the resolve you need for releasing other people from what they owe you." -Fervent 
Once we have made the hard choice to forgive this person, it does not end there. Remember what we read in 2 Cor. 2: "Forgive and Comfort." 
This is where we begin to live "obedient in everything" as verse 9 says. It is where we show kindness and love (Eph.4:32), where we go the second mile (Matt. 5:41) and rather than exchange evil for evil, we instead provide a blessing (I Peter 3:9). 
  • What are some ways you can show love to the person who has offended you? 

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you." -Ephesians 4:31-32 

This is when we know God is truly doing a work in our hearts and teaching us His meekness and humility. When we are hurt, there are two different paths we can take:
1. Pride turns hurt feelings ("How could they do this to me?") into anger ("This makes me so angry!") and then into bitterness ("They are clearly wrong. I can't forgive this and I'll make sure others know how he/she has wronged me.") and finally into rebellion ("I don't want anything to do with him/her ever again!").
2. Humility turns hurt feelings ("Lord, what do you want me to do?") into a kind, tenderhearted, forgiving spirit ("I feel bad for him/her as they must really be struggling—I will pray for them.") and then into love ("I will not dwell on what they have done to me. I will show love to them as the Spirit leads.") and finally into full forgiveness ("I forgive them—not because they deserve it, but because God has forgiven me a much larger debt and I trust Him to avenge me.").  

  • Read through pages 163-167 in our books again.

  • Write a prayer card for the person(s) the Lord is prompting you to forgive. Speak the name(s) of the person(s) who've hurt you out loud while asking for a heart that genuinely desires to forgive and release them from the debt you feel they owe. Then, replace the underlined phrase with each person's name, "forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you" (Eph. 4:32).

It's easy to say a real Christian should love others—it's another whole thing entirely to forgive someone who has wronged you (especially someone close to you)—this is when our love, devotion and submission to God is truly tested. As we seek God's strength through prayer and the truths of His Word, He works in us His humility. Forgiveness draws a dividing line between the self-centered Christian and the Christian seeking to live obedient to God's Word and seeking to gain His humility through prayer. This was hard for me to accept when I realized I was harboring some bitterness against a few people who had wronged me in the past. I did not feel like I was being self-centered, rather merely standing up for what's right and just. But, the truth is, that's God's department. And in refusing to show love to the other person, I was making my life hugely important and hiding the truth of God's glorious gospel. 
After the lesson, we discussed the value of teaching this forgiveness to our children. Mostly, by our example. They hear how we talk about others and they see the way we respond to conflict. We challenged ourselves to live in full obedience to the Word and demonstrate to our children a beautiful picture of Christ-like love and forgiveness.
Let's end with some of the lines from the Getty's song, "Speak O Lord": 
"Take your truth, plant it deep in us; 
Shape and fashion us in your likeness, 
That the light of Christ might be seen today 
In our acts of love and our deeds of faith…
Teach us, Lord, full obedience, 
Holy reverence, true humility."

This Week:


  • Pray for the person(s) whose name(s) you wrote on the prayer card above.
  • Do an act of kindness as the spirit leads for that person this week (even if it's simply a phone call or text to see how they are doing and to let them know you are praying for them or if it is someone you live with, maybe a sincere smile or a small note of encouragement would be all they would need to feel assured of your love).
  • Read the final chapter: "Your Relationships"
  • And don't forget to: PRAY!!! By now, we should be realizing that prayer is as necessary to our lives as the water we drink each day. WE NEED OUR GOD!!! 



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