Strategy 9: Your Hurts (Turning Bitterness to Forgiveness: The Path to Freedom and Beauty as a Believer)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 9, "Your Hurts"
• Bible Reading: 2 Cor. 2:5-11, Matthew 18:23-25, Mark 11:25-26, Ephesians 4:31-32

"If I were your enemy, I'd use every opportunity to bring old wounds to mind, as well as the people, events, and circumstances that caused them. I'd try to ensure that your heart was hardened with anger and bitterness. Shackled through unforgiveness. 

Notes from the study: 

• Who has caused you pain in the past? Or at present?

• Are you struggling to FULLY forgive them? (i.e. Do you still shudder a little when you write their name? Do you speak poorly of them to others? Do you rehearse in your mind what you would say if you could really give them a piece of your mind for what they did to you? Do you point your finger when they do wrong to prove they were wrong in the past too? Do you avoid them? When their name comes across your phone, do you feel a strong emotion come over you?)

Common Signs of Bitterness:

• Gossip and Slander (Heb. 12:15-17) - having nothing good to say about this person

• Ungrateful and Complaining (Phil. 2:14) - murmuring to yourself and complaining to others about this person  

• Judges Motives (I Cor. 4:5) - even if this person tries to do something nice, you think his or her motive must be wrong 

• Self-Centered (Phil. 2:4) - thinking about yourself and focusing on the hurts done against you.

• Excessive Sorrow (Jn. 16:6) - hurt has crowded out your joy, peace or love  

• Vengeful (Rom.12:17, 19) - looking for ways to avoid this person, give the silence treatment or the cold shoulder to him or her

• Brooding (I Cor. 13:5) - playing the offense over and over in your mind

• Loss of Joy (Ps. 119:47) - lately, you have little or no delight in your relationship with the Lord

• A Critical, Judgemental Attitude (Matt. 7:5) - focusing on what this person has done wrong, rather than focusing on what you are doing wrong.

2 Corinthians 2:5-11, ESV:

"Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you.  

For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough,  

So you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.   

So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.  

For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything.  

Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ,  

So that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs."

  

Satan is working to cripple our effectiveness in prayer. In their book, "The Battle Plan for Prayer," the Kendrick brothers give ten locks of prayer, #9 being, "Praying with bitterness in your heart toward someone." They go on to say, 

"It is sinful to receive God's forgiveness, totally undeserved, and then consider ourselves exempt from the command and responsibility of forgiving others who've offended us. 

'Whenever you stand praying,' Jesus said, 'forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions' (Mark 11:25-26). 

Bitterness is a toxin that not only poisons us spiritually, mentally, even physically, but also poisons the effectiveness of prayer and the full experience of our relationship with God." 

His Forgiveness = Our Freedom

(Matthew 6:14: "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.") 

"Anything that dampens or deadens the freedom that God's mercy is meant to give us—can it really be worth holding onto?" -Fervent 

God knows how to deal with sin. Our sin, their sin. When you forgive, you're not wiping their actions away, but trusting God to handle it. 

Remember that scene in War Room, when Miss Clara says to Elizabeth, "He needs grace." And Elizabeth states that she doesn't think her husband deserves grace. Miss Clara hits the whole idea of forgiveness home for Elizabeth when she answers her with,

"Do you?"

"Do you deserve God's grace?" 

In our previous lesson, "Your Past," we learned what it means that we are forgiven in Christ—that His mercies are new every morning for us, that we are "rooted and grounded" in His love. It is this gospel message—the truth that God loves me and forgives all my sins though I do not deserve it—that compels me to forgive others. 

In Matthew 18: 23-35, Jesus tells the parable of a king that forgives one of his servants ten thousand talents. This man was to be sold, along with his wife and children in order to pay the debt. However, the king forgave the debt in full. This same servant then turns around and throws his servant who owed him a merger hundred pence into prison till he could pay the debt. When the king heard, he threw the servant in prison as well. Jesus ends the parable saying, "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

[Note: "God does not annul His forgiveness toward a repentant believer, but He will judge those who show their faith to be hypocritical by failing to show grace and forgiveness to others (James 2:13)." -Reformation Heritage Study Bible]

Just like in the parable above, when we have been forgiven so great a debt, how can we not forgive others for their minor offenses toward us by comparison? 

"When my mind is fixed on the gospel, I have ample stimulation to show God's love to other people. For I am always willing to show love to others when I am freshly mindful of the love that God has shown me. Also, the gospel gives me the wherewithal to give forgiving grace to those who have wronged me, for it reminds me daily of the forgiving grace that God is showing me. 

Doing good and showing love to those who have wronged me is always the opposite of what my sinful flesh wants me to do. Nonetheless, when I remind myself of my sins against God and of His forgiving and generous grace toward me, I give the gospel an opportunity to reshape my perspective and to put me in a frame of mind wherein I actually desire to give this same grace to those who have wronged me." -Milton Vincent, A Gospel Primer for Christians 

One of the ladies shared this quote from the book that really encouraged her:

"Realize you are lying back already in a vast blue ocean of forgiveness—same as me, same as all of us who've been redeemed through the blood of Jesus. So there's more than enough of His forgiveness splashing around you to extinguish all the flames of rage, hatred, bitterness, or animosity your enemy may have ignited within you. Remembering what Christ's redemption has done for you will make you eager to do it for another."  -Fervent

So, how do I forgive one who has hurt me?

1. Remember the forgiveness God has shown me (by preaching the gospel to myself everyday). This will compel me to forgive others.

2. Pray for the Lord's help and guidance.

"When galvanized with the living truth of God's Word, fervent prayer is the bucket that can dip down into the reserves of God's strength and pull up all the resolve you need for releasing other people from what they owe you." -Fervent 

Once we have made the hard choice to forgive this person, it does not end there. Remember what we read in 2 Cor. 2: "Forgive and Comfort." 

This is where we begin to live "obedient in everything" as verse 9 says. It is where we show kindness and love (Eph.4:32), where we go the second mile (Matt. 5:41) and rather than exchange evil for evil, we instead provide a blessing (I Peter 3:9). 

• What are some ways you can show love to the person who has offended you? 

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you." -Ephesians 4:31-32 

This is when we know God is truly doing a work in our hearts and teaching us His meekness and humility. When we are hurt, there are two different paths we can take:

1. Pride turns hurt feelings ("How could they do this to me?") into anger ("This makes me so angry!") and then into bitterness ("They are clearly wrong. I can't forgive this and I'll make sure others know how he/she has wronged me.") and finally into rebellion ("I don't want anything to do with him/her ever again!").

2. Humility turns hurt feelings ("Lord, what do you want me to do?") into a kind, tenderhearted, forgiving spirit ("I feel bad for him/her as they must really be struggling—I will pray for them.") and then into love ("I will not dwell on what they have done to me. I will show love to them as the Spirit leads.") and finally into full forgiveness ("I forgive them—not because they deserve it, but because God has forgiven me a much larger debt and I trust Him to avenge me.").  

• Read through pages 163-167 in our books again.

• Write a prayer card for the person(s) the Lord is prompting you to forgive. Speak the name(s) of the person(s) who've hurt you out loud while asking for a heart that genuinely desires to forgive and release them from the debt you feel they owe. Then, replace the underlined phrase with each person's name, "forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you" (Eph. 4:32).

It's easy to say a real Christian should love others—it's another whole thing entirely to forgive someone who has wronged you (especially someone close to you)—this is when our love, devotion and submission to God is truly tested. As we seek God's strength through prayer and the truths of His Word, He works in us His humility. Forgiveness draws a dividing line between the self-centered Christian and the Christian seeking to live obedient to God's Word and seeking to gain His humility through prayer. This was hard for me to accept when I realized I was harboring some bitterness against a few people who had wronged me in the past. I did not feel like I was being self-centered, rather merely standing up for what's right and just. But, the truth is, that's God's department. And in refusing to show love to the other person, I was making my life hugely important and hiding the truth of God's glorious gospel. 

After the lesson, we discussed the value of teaching this forgiveness to our children. Mostly, by our example. They hear how we talk about others and they see the way we respond to conflict. We challenged ourselves to live in full obedience to the Word and demonstrate to our children a beautiful picture of Christ-like love and forgiveness.

Let's end with some of the lines from the Getty's song, "Speak O Lord": 

"Take your truth, plant it deep in us; 

Shape and fashion us in your likeness, 

That the light of Christ might be seen today 

In our acts of love and our deeds of faith…

Teach us, Lord, full obedience, 

Holy reverence, true humility."

This Week:

• Pray for the person(s) whose name(s) you wrote on the prayer card above.

• Do an act of kindness as the spirit leads for that person this week (even if it's simply a phone call or text to see how they are doing and to let them know you are praying for them or if it is someone you live with, maybe a sincere smile or a small note of encouragement would be all they would need to feel assured of your love).

• Read the final chapter: "Your Relationships"

• And don't forget to: PRAY!!! By now, we should be realizing that prayer is as necessary to our lives as the water we drink each day. WE NEED OUR GOD!!! 

Strategy 8: Your Pressures (Reclaiming Peace, Rest, and Contentment)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 8: Your Pressures
• Bible Reading: Luke 10:38-42, Matthew 11:28-29

"If I were your enemy, I'd make everything seem urgent, as if it's all yours to handle. I'd bog down your calendar with so many expectations you couldn't tell the difference between what's important and what's not. Going and doing, guilty for ever saying no, trying to control it all, but just being controlled by it all instead…If I could keep you busy enough, you'd be too overwhelmed to even realize how much work you're actually saving me."

Notes from the study:

Life is busy! Especially with kids. Life is full of pressure! Especially with kids. As wives and mothers, we are needed on the front everyday. The thought of a day where we take our blanket, book and glass of iced tea and sit in a meadow or by the pool, without a care in the world (like "where did my two year old disappear to?" and, "What am I going to make for dinner tonight?" and "What time do we need to leave here to make it there on time?") seems like a distant memory in our past. And if family and household pressures are not enough, as Christians we are expected to be here and do that and get involved. And Facebook is telling us we need to go there and get our kids involved in that. And friends around us are planting gardens, raising chickens, planning vacations, signing their kids up for karate and soccer and music lessons, going to this co-op and this art camp and this is the burden of the 21st century. 

Let's get more specific:

• What are your responsibilities each week? (List these in order of priority)

•  What additional event/activities do you often find on your calendar?

• What does a typical week look like for you? (on Monday, on Tuesday…)

• Do you feel you have a good balance between work/activities/duties and rest?

•  When do you typically rest in a day? In a week?

•  What is truly restful to you? (nap, reading, warm bath, sitting in nature?)

• Do you feel guilty when you take a break?

•  Do you often compare your accomplishments with other women/moms?

• Do you get discouraged when a day passes and all you did was "keep the status quo"? 

• What are some of the main pressures you face? 

"Pressure. 

Pressure to keep up. Pressure to keep going. Pressure to stay ahead, stay afloat, stay relevant. Pressure to do for others what they maybe ought to be doing for themselves. 

Pressure to plan for your retirement years. Pressure to lose weight and stay young looking. Pressure to take on another ministry project at church. Pressure to always be the one they can count on to say yes. Pressure to jam another activity for your kids into the schedule. Pressure to do a better job of keeping a journal, organizing your pantry and closets, getting your Christmas shopping done early…then posting your clever thoughts and carefully posed pictures on Instagram when you're finished. 

Pressure to perform a certain way, look a certain way, dress a certain way, be interested in certain things. To be the perfect parent, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect employee, the perfect party planner, the perfect image of everything that everybody else expects you to be.  

Oh, and the pressure not to be the first one who cracks.

Under the pressure."

-Fervent

Personal Story: I am a doer. All my life, I would measure the success of my day based on the amount of accomplishments I would have. Then kids came and I did not consider changing diapers, changing bedding, sweeping floors, picking up toys, cooking dinner, cleaning marker off the couch or mud off the carpet as accomplishments. Those were merely keeping "the status quo." I still expected myself to perform above those tasks. To run a company, get projects done and advance in my day. To basically be "superwoman." 

Enter Migraines. 

Frequent migraines were God's chosen lot for my life to keep me from being able to accomplish ANYTHING in my day, showing me that His purposes would still come to pass. To realize that all that mattered is what God wanted done in a day. And for those things, He provided the grace, strength, ability, time. I learned to rest in God's plan for the day. That no matter the interruptions or what didn't get done, I could be content in Him. I now challenge myself to view a day of minimal accomplishments as rich—so long as the needs of my family were met and my God worshipped.

Living life to the fullest does not mean filling our day to the fullest, but rather living in the fullness of God…seeking Him in stillness, knowing Him and His way, being who God created you to be! 

Someone said, "If all I do is read my Bible and pray, the day is not wasted." Busyness. The rush and the hurry. This keeps us from our devotion to God and our worship.

"You are only as spiritual as you are rested." -Dr. Jim Berg 

A friend of mine in college would hear me talk about my busy schedule and would often say to me: "Jolene, REST is worship too." 

Lessons from Martha's sister, Mary (cc Luke 10:38-42):

Jesus did not disapprove of Martha's role of serving, but of her attitude and neglecting of a more important role. Our primary role is to sit at Jesus' feet, to know Him. This is when we learn His purposes for us and for our day. If we do everything else first, we will never have time for this. Wise financial planners will encourage people doing a budget to take care of their giving and saving FIRST. Otherwise, there never seems to be enough money left at the end of the month to take care of these areas. It is the same with our time with God. 

"We can get caught in the same performance trap, feeling as though we must prove our love for God by doing great things for Him. So we rush past the intimacy of the Living Room to get busy for Him in the Kitchen—implementing great ministries and wonderful projects, all in an effort to spread the good news. We do all our works in His name. We call Him 'Lord, Lord.' But in the end, will He know us? Will we know Him?"

-Joanne Weaver, Having a Mary Heart in Martha World, p. 9

When we want to please God, but don't take the time to know Him, we busy ourselves doing what we think He wants rather than what we know He wants. This is when the pressure starts to build. We hear ourselves screaming inside at those important things, "Not now! I have to do this and I am needed here…" All our doing is then full of care and is in vain. 

"So often we give God the gift we think He needs rather than take time to find out what He desires.… 

Jesus' words to Martha are words to those of us who are overextended in service as well: "Only one thing is needed." We must take time to sit at Jesus' feet, to worship Him, to get to know Him better. When we put that first thing first, then He delights to reveal His will and our part in fulfilling it." 

- Joanne Weaver, Having a Mary Heart in Martha World

When our responsibilities and large to-do lists are like a wagon full of rocks, weighing us down, our Bible reading and prayer time become just another "rock" that I have to get done and dump off the wagon to lighten the load.    

"I cannot do everything, but I can do 'ONE THING'." - Joanne Weaver 

In the book, "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shearer she explained that when she was a young wife, new mom and in the ministry—feeling the strain—an older godly woman in ministry encouraged her to think of the different activities in her life as individual clear boxes. Our tendency, she told Priscilla, is to keep these boxes "equally full with identical amounts of ourselves and our effort." "This, we think, is what balance looks like. But in reality, this is the picture of a woman overworked, frustrated, and exhausted. A life out of balance."

"The way we achieve balance," she said to Priscilla, "is to consider prayerfully God's priorities for us in this current season of life and then rearrange the boxes accordingly—pushing some of them into the background, bringing others to the front. Into these primary boxes we place the best of ourselves and our effort, while perhaps totally emptying some of the others—at least temporarily—not because they're of any less overall significance but because they're not where we need to be allocating the best of our abilities and attention for the time being." 

Lessons from a Grape Vine (cc. John 15:1-5):

It was said of Hudson Taylor, the great missionary to China: "He was a joyous man now, a bright, happy Christian. He had been a toiling, burdened one before, with latterly not much rest of soul. It was resting in Jesus now, and letting Him do the work—which makes all the difference!" 

Hudson Taylor experienced this change in his life after receiving a letter from a fellow missionary, John McCarthy. In the letter, McCarthy wrote:

"To let my loving Savior work in me His will, my sanctification is what I would live for by His grace. Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto Him; trusting Him for present power; trusting Him to subdue all inward corruption; resting in the love of an almighty Savior, in the conscious joy of a complete salvation; willing that His will should truly be supreme—this is not new, and yet 'tis new to me. I feel as though the first dawning of a glorious day had risen upon me. I hail it with trembling, yet with trust. I seem to have got to the edge only, but of a sea which is boundless; to have sipped only, but of that which fully satisfies. Christ literally all seems to me now the power, the only power for service; the only ground for unchanging joy. May He lead us into the realization of His unfathomable fullness." 

Some time after receiving this letter, Hudson Taylor wrote to his sister:

"As to the work, mine was never so plentiful, so responsible, or so difficult; but the weight and strain are all gone." 

-They Know the Secret, Hudson Taylor  

I heard it once said of Jesus, "Is He worried? Is He troubled? Is He distressed? There's no wrinkle on His brow. No least shade of anxiety. Yet the affairs are as much His as mine." Jesus drew all His energy from the Father.  

This lesson is not necessarily about simplifying our calendars or learning to say, "No"—though some of us may need to sit down and prioritize and get rid—it is about releasing ourselves from the pressure to do all these things to please others or ourselves. It is about getting on our knees and saying "God, what do you want me to do today? Is this ministry opportunity in your plans for me? Will these things I'm planning to do bring you glory?" And then waiting for Him to show you. Prayer is where we release all our pressures to God and let Him take over. When we neglect prayer—seeking God first—we forfeit the carefree heart. 

"Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." 

-Matthew 11:28-29 

It is interesting to note the connection between meekness and rest in the above verses. Many of the pressures we face—especially those with people—would not be there if we would learn to follow the example of our Lord, and to allow Him to reign in our circumstances.

"The word [burden] Jesus used means 'a load carried or toil borne to the point of exhaustion.' Rest is simply release from that burden. It is not something we do; it is what comes to us when we cease to do. His own meekness, that is rest. 

There is the burden of pride. The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest.…Such a burden is not necessary to bear. Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort. 

He develops toward himself a kindly sense of humor and learns to say, 'Oh, so you have been overlooked? They have placed someone else before you? They have whispers that you are pretty small stuff after all? And now you feel hurt because the world is saying about you the very things you have been saying about yourself? Only yesterday you were telling God that you were nothing…Come on, humble yourself and cease to care what men think.'…[The meek man knows that he is] in himself, nothing; in God everything. That is his motto.…As he walks on in meekness he will be happy to let God defend him. The old struggle to defend himself is over. He has found the peace which meekness brings." 

 -A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God: Meekness and Rest  

According to the chapter we read this week, our pressures attack our:

1. Freedom

We are not often tempted to bad things, but Satan can enslave us to good things. We read about the example of the Israelites as slaves and how God set them free and gave them the gift of rest, the Sabbath. We are now free from the pressure to do things because they are REQUIRED of us. Instead, we can now live out of love and appreciation for all the Lord has done for us. Our love for God should determine what fills our plate!

"Enough can be enough—not just on our calendars but in every area of our lives. Then we can sit back in the freedom that helps us start again tomorrow with our spirits rested, alert and renewed. 

We are called to serve, and serving often requires sacrifice. Not everything we're tasked to do should fit conveniently into our day. But a free woman possesses the God-given ability to know when He is truly asking her to do something—as well as the God-given ability to know when He's not. Then she has the God-given discernment to know her limits and the authority to know when she needs 'to cease, to stop, to pause'—accepting the gentle yoke of Jesus instead of the tyrannical yoke of slavery." 

-Fervent  

2. Significance 

We often tie our core value as a person to how much work we do. We turn busyness into a badge of honor. And we post it all on Facebook! 

We no longer know how to sit still. We're rarely satisfied with where we are or what we have. 

"It's why we can't embrace the one thing we're doing now because of the dozen other things we're not doing while we're over here doing this.

You've already received approval from the only One whose approval really matters. He has stamped His value on you, and that is enough. Even the activities He gives you to steward are not given to see how many balls you can juggle, but instead so you can participate with Him in staking a kingdom claim on the patches of ground where you live. Sure, there's sweat involve. Sore muscles. Dirt under your pretty fingernails. But these endeavors and hobbies and accumulated possessions of yours are meant to bring joy, to enhance relationships, to develop your gifts, to swell you with His blessing and contentment."  

-Fervent 

Pressures/Busyness keep us from:

1. Our devotion to God - "Be still and know" (Ps. 46:10) 

2. Contentment, peace, rest - ("If you would get a contented life…be sure of your call to every business you go about. Though it is the least business, be sure of your call to it; then, whatever you meet with, you may quiet your heart with this: I know I am where God would have me.…What God calls a man to, in that he may have comfort whatever befalls you. God will look to you, and see you blessed if you are in the work God calls you to." -Jeremiah Burroughs, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment) 

3. Knowing God's daily will - "Thy will be done" (Mat. 6) Giving the control of our day over to God. God's will does not need to be written in the sky. It is the natural response of the heart seeking Him. 

So…take your calendar—prioritize, pray about areas to simplify, insert intentional times for rest and worship, and feel guilty only if you have not sought time with God today! Because, once you seek Him, you will know what to do next.

"They that seek the Lord understand all things." 

-Proverbs 28:5

 Before Next Week:

• Read Chapter 9: "Your Hurts"
• Write a Prayer Card
• Pray!!!

Strategy 7: Your Purity (Staying Strong in Your Most Susceptible Places)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 7, "Your Purity"
• Bible Reading: 1 Jn. 3:2-3, Isaiah 59:1-2, James 4:8, James 5:16  

"If I were your enemy, I'd tempt you toward certain sins, making you believe they are basically (even biologically) unavoidable. I'd study your tendencies and proclivities till I learned the precise conditions that make you the most likely to indulge them. And then I'd strike right there. Again and again. Wear you down. Because if I can't separate you from God forever, I can at least set you at odds with Him for the time being."

Notes from the study:

What is purity? 

When thinking about purity, we often think only in terms of sexual purity—being more careful with what we watch on TV, how we dress, what we talk about, and so on. While this is important, this is only a small part of what purity means for us as believers. Our God is holy—pure, sinless. He can have no fellowship with darkness. Anything that would offend this aspect of His nature would be considered a lack of purity in our lives. However, our purity is not based on how much we sin—a single drop of green dye will discolor a glass of water making it "impure." Nor are we speaking of our lack of sin—that would suggest that we have to achieve perfection and if that were possible, Christ died in vain. God forbid!

"Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is. 

And every man that hath this hope in Him purifieth himself, even as He is pure." 

-I Jn. 3:2-3 

What we are talking about today digs deep down into the soil of our hearts. We are talking about the difference between a Christian whose garden (heart) is NOT being tended to—full of weeds, lack of water—and the Christian who is faithful each day to pull those weeds (confess your sins before God as you seek Him in prayer) and water the soil (read God's Word and live it).  

"Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." -Proverbs 4:23 

"It is not the cleansing of the hand that makes the Christian (for many a hypocrite can show as fair a hand as he), but the purifying, watching, and right ordering of the heart." -John Flavel, Keeping the Heart

"Unite my heart to fear Thy name." -Psalm 86:11 

The root system is there—both of the Christians in the example above are secure in their status before God and able to come before His presence, but only one (the latter) is pursuing God's path and allowing God the freedom to work and be involved in her life, to answer her prayers and make her life fruitful. 

We cannot fight the laws of nature when it comes to caring for our gardens. Without the proper elements, there will be no fruit. Likewise, we cannot fight the laws of God when it comes to living life. We must desire to live life His way, according to His Word. 

As we see in James 5:16, "Prayers that have power come from a person in pursuit of righteous living" (Fervent). 

Living Life God's Way (Seeking His Presence, His Beauty) 

"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [enjoy His presence] all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord [enjoy His goodness and glory in close fellowship with Him]."  -Psalm 27:4 

"When thou said, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto Thee,Thy face, Lord, will I seek." -Psalm 27:8 

"Give unto the Lord the glory due unto His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness." -Psalm 29:2 

"The Lord Jesus found His own strength in God's presence with Him (Isa. 50:6-9), and His strength becomes ours through the Spirit (Phil. 1:18-19). Christ is thus everything to the believer, and the believer's great desire is to be with Him and see His beauty. He taught us to make Him our 'one thing' above all earthly treasure and activities (Ps. 27:4; Luke 10:42; 18:22). The apostle Paul likewise made Christ the 'one thing' he pursued (Phil. 3:8, 13). Let us seek Him in all that we do, and view all His good gifts as valuable only insofar as they help us to glorify and enjoy Him. What practical difference would it make in your life if you began to pursue Christ with this single-minded focus?" 

-Quote taken from Reformation Heritage Study Bible, "Thoughts for Personal/Family Worship: Psalm 27"

Satan is working hard to tempt us in our areas of struggle in order to divide us from this presence of God in our lives. 

Besetting sins…those nagging areas of your life that you wish you could change about yourself, but struggle to gain victory over. They are your weakest points. Your struggles. Your default setting when you are not yielded to the Lord in prayer and His Word. Things such as…Worry. Anger. Criticism. Unkind words. Impatience. Selfishness. Unhappiness. Lack of respect for our husbands. Neglect of the Word. And so on. The list is different for each of as. And none of our lists is more beautiful than the other. Sin is ugly in any form. And, it is keeping us from a vibrant relationship with our God. 

• What sin(s)/sinful habit (whether a specific action or an attitude) do you struggle the most to change and gain victory over?  

Paul knew of this struggle with the flesh. He says in Romans 7: 

"For what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I…For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do." 

Often we find ourselves making the same mistakes in our day. Reacting in the same negative way with our children. Getting on our husbands AGAIN. Choosing a grouchy spirit over joy. Stressing over the finances, rather than depending on God. Or, whatever. And here is the most devastating result of it all:

"Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, that He will not hear." -Isaiah 59:1-2

Our holy God cannot hear, cannot answer our prayers, because He cannot fellowship with unrighteousness. Our prayer rooms suddenly feel like they have "soundproof walls," as Priscilla puts it. 

"If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me." -Psalm 66:18

One area where Satan works hard to threaten our purity (i.e. where our lives are aligned with the teaching of Scripture and the transforming work of God's Spirit) and thus create a divide in our walk with God is in our marriages. He tempts us to make excuses, to justify, to compare, rather than to simply, singlemindedly love our husband and honor Him as God has wisely and lovingly commanded us to do in His Word.

In "The Battle Plan for Prayer," the Kendrick brothers discuss ten "Locks of Prayer" that restrict the freedom and effectiveness of our prayers. Number seven on their list really stood out to me in regards to this lesson on purity:

7. Praying while mistreating your spouse. When we're not treating with love and respect the one person in our life whom we've vowed to treat with love and respect, God makes special mention of it as an inhibitor to prayer. His warning is primarily to men: "Husbands…live with your wives in an understanding way…and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" (I Peter 3:7). But the same principle obviously cuts both ways. How can we expect to be at peace with God in prayer when we are sowing disunity in our own homes? Being ugly to our wives (or husbands) is a backbreaker in prayer. 

As we show honor to our husband, we show honor to our God. We live according to God's design for us. We basically say, "Lord, regardless of what my husband does or says, I am going to live right before You." James 3:18 says, "The fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace." Rather than sowing disunity in our homes and speaking rashly with our husband, we respond with "wisdom from above," according to verse 17, that is… 

"first pure, 

then peaceable, 

gentle, and easy to be intreated [easy to live with!], 

full of mercy and good fruits, 

without partiality [singleminded; see James 4:8], 

and without hypocrisy [sincere]."

• Write a prayer card for where you struggle to show honor to your husband or where disunity threatens to hinder your prayers. Write specific verses that can help you claim victory in these areas.

A Challenge for this Week:

I want to challenge us all—including myself—to honor God this week by whole-heartedly (with complete sincerity and commitment) honoring our husbands. In other words, we are not honoring our husband so that he will in turn treat us better or be more loving toward us. We are not showing love to our husband so that we can feel better about ourselves as a wife. We are pouring our hearts out in full commitment for the purpose of bringing glory to our God. Whether our husbands notice or we receive anything in return should not matter. 

Our goal is God's glory. 

Isn't that how we should be living anyway? Isn't that pure, righteous living? You see, to live pure does not mean to live in perfection. Or, we would all be in trouble! Our standing before God is complete (Read the verses on pages 129-130 in this chapter). We can come to God in prayer anytime, clothed in the righteousness of Christ. But, to live purely means to live with the right purpose—proclaiming God's glory. And the only way to show Him glory is according to His design. God could not accept Cain's fruit offering. An animal sacrifice was what He required. God is not glorified through good intentions. God is glorified through the heart that seeks Him in His Word and lives to honor what He says. 

Look at Moses. He made plenty of mistakes—he murdered a man, he was hesitant to take the role God assigned to him, he often lost his patience and displayed anger with the Israelites and in the end his disobedience to the Lord's instruction cost him final entrance into God's chosen land for His people. Yet we read in Hebrews 3:1-2 that "Moses was faithful in all God's house."

"[Moses] was not perfect, but he was purposeful. He wasn't without mistake, but he was marked by God's presence. He marched to a higher standard, an overriding and compelling force that drew him to desire what mattered to His God more than what mattered to other people." -The Resolution for Woman, Priscilla Shearer. 

Are you up for it? The challenge.

We are tired. The kids are full of needs. The house is in a state. Our husbands can sometimes ask for the ridiculous. But all of these things are secondary to our calling from God to love and serve our husbands. To be his helpmeet. Let us set aside everything else this week. This will be our primary focus. To the praise of His glory! 

So, let's get started… 

• Write a list of things you can do this week to show honor to your husband (specifically things that you know are important to him - not things that just make you feel like a good wife. For example, I know my husband loves when I get up in the morning and make breakfast for him. So that will be on my list! This is the time to do those ridiculous things that he wants from you that you never saw sense in before. Or, those things that he doesn't ask of you now that you are busy with the kids, but you know it would mean the world to him).

• Commit this list to God. Ask for His strength. Tell God of your desire to honor Him. 

• Pray each morning for the Holy Spirit to help you see what your husband needs that day. Then, pray for your husband. 

• Wake up with a smile for your husband. And go to sleep with a smile. This is a week where we try to say nothing negative, no griping, no complaining. Consider this a vacation for your husband. A week where he can rest as you focus all your attention on God's glory rather than your own!

Warning: Do not expect for your husband to respond in kind. This is not about improving your marriage. This is about honoring God. And, do not expect this to be easy. When you fail (like when I oversleep and don't make his breakfast!), consider it a neglect against God—go to God in prayer, confess it and ask Him for His strength to do better tomorrow. When you seek to honor God alone, He will strengthen you for that which you have committed to Him.

"Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass." -Psalm 37:5 

Whether our struggles with sin are with our husbands, our children, our circumstances, we must daily bring these sins before our holy God—confessing them and seeking His strength to overcome. Then, our prayers will be heard and our lives will have peace and the presence of God. "And the work of righteousness shall be peace and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance forever" (Isaiah 32:17).  

In the Battle Plan for Prayer, the Kendrick brothers also list ten "Keys of Prayer." Number 9 really stood out to me in regard to this lesson:

9. Praying while abiding in Christ and His Word. Jesus said, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" (John 15:7). Abiding means staying in close fellowship with someone. It involves spending time in God's Word, allowing it to fill our hearts and guide our thinking, walking in obedience to what He tells us to do (John 15:10), receiving God's love, then pouring it back out on Him and the people around us (John 15:9,12). Lastly, abiding means staying clean before God (John 15:3; I John 1:9) by not allowing "ungodliness" or sin to build up or go unconfessed. It is within this context that our prayer lives are opened up into a fresh vibrancy, fruitfulness, and effectiveness before God (John 15:5). John 15:7 implies that abiding in this way opens up our prayers to also ask for good things that our hearts desire.

So if our God does not demand perfection, what does he require? According to Micah 5:8, "What does the Lord require of you, but…

To do justly,

To love mercy,

To walk humbly with your God." 

Before Next Week:

• Read Chapter 8 in Fervent: "Your Pressures" 
• Write prayer card for the chapter
• Pray!

  

  

  

Strategy 6: Your Fears (Confronting Your Worries; Claiming Your Calling)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 6, Your Fears
• Bible Reading: 2 Timothy 1:7, Matthew 6:25-34, Philippians 4:4-8, Psalm 34:8-10

"If I were your enemy, I'd magnify your fears, making them appear insurmountable, intimidating you with enough worries until avoiding them becomes your driving motivation. I would use anxiety to cripple you, to paralyze you, leaving you indecisive, clinging to safety and sameness, always on the defensive because of what might happen. When you hear the word faith, all I'd want you to hear is 'unnecessary risk.'"

Notes from the study:

• What are some of your fears? (i.e. What keeps you up at night? What causes you daily stress or worry? Where do you struggle to make clear decisions out of fear for what could happen? What is your worst case scenario that your mind always takes you to?)

Personal Story:  I would worry a little as a kid—fear of the dark, fear of heights, fear of a stranger breaking into the house, and so on—but those fears only got magnified as I got married and suddenly loved someone so deeply that I became afraid of ever losing him. Nights when my husband would be driving home late from work and it would be snowing outside, I could not rest until he was home safe. And if I could not get ahold of him on the phone, I would be a mess! I would worry about my husband on the job as he was doing more dangerous jobs like roofing and such. Then, I had children. And my fears got out of control! My heart dropped with every scream and cry of hurt. Worst case scenarios raced through my head as my child lay sick in bed. "What ifs" kept me paralyzed from making clear decisions for them. And then, we moved to the mountains where we have bears that have taken our trash cans, copper head snakes, hills that have flipped my husband's mower, large sink holes that have appeared, powerful storms that make the tall trees by our house sway and creek, not to mention "the hill of doom" as my friend calls it—the top of our driveway that keeps us stranded if there is ever a snow storm. 

BUT, the summer before our move, God started working with me on my out-of-control fears. He allowed my children to get hurt or sick at different times and He helped me through each situation, building my faith in His care. Then, He put a great test in front of me. He allowed a group of 20-year-old men to move in across the street from our house who were not good news and clearly did not work. And so, here was I, home alone homeschooling my four beautiful little children, while these men hung around the cul-de-sac all day with cars coming and going, which we suspected and later found out they were dealing drugs. I was scared even to go to my mail box or to let my children play outside. One of the guys almost ran over my daughter on her bike with his car TWICE! The house next to theirs had just had a man arrested for sexually offending young girls in the neighborhood and the house across from that one had a previous sex offender, and the house next to that one had a college-age guy home all day playing video games. So, I was on high alert and STRESSED with fear.

I started reading through the Psalms, a chapter a day, finding strength in the many promises of God. God started bolstering my faith and building in me a courage to trust in Him even when I had "every reason" to fear! In reality, as I started to remind myself of who God is, I realized I had no just cause for fear...EVER! As John Flavel says, I started subjecting my reason to faith, "to see all things through the promises, and to trust God over all events." Now, when I feel my heart starting to fear, I earnestly pray and read the Psalms until I find myself thinking again on what is TRUE—true about my God and true about His love and goodness toward me (Philippians 4:4-8). 

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 

-2 Timothy 1:7 

Power: "Strength and diligence of heart to fulfill one's calling in spite of animosity and hardships." (Reformation Heritage Study Bible)

Love: "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love [Not reached maturity in assurance of God's love]." (I Jn. 4:18, note from Reformation Heritage Study Bible) 

Sound Mind: Wisdom to make the best decisions without fear of the "what ifs?" "Rooted and grounded in Christ's love." (Ephesians 3:16-20) 

In the illustration above, we discussed how like sunshine and rain give life to a tree, the Word gives wisdom and knowledge of God. Then, as we pray—like the stem of that tree carrying its food to the roots—the Spirit impresses the Word into our hearts, grounding us in the love of God (Eph. 3:16-20). As this root system (our knowledge of God and His love) grows and matures, the storms of fear that surround us cannot shake us. We will be still. Peaceful. Firmly planted. 

We recently planted new cherry trees in the front of our house. These trees need extra care and attention because their root system is not deep enough yet to support them. As believers, our "root system"—or knowledge of God—should be maturing as we are fresh in the Word and prayer each day; steadfast. So that as the storms of life come, rather than facing it with fear, we stand strong, firmly rooted in who God is and the love He has for me. 

The phrase "Do not fear" or "Do not be afraid" occurs over 300 times in Scripture…Unlike the world with all their self-helps and anxiety sprays, we are not merely trying to "manage" our fears. Rather, God wants to eliminate them!  

"Fear is the antithesis of Faith." -Fervent 

"Somebody might say, 'Well, worry is just—you know, it's a small, trivial sin.' No, it's not…I think probably 100 per cent of all mental illness is directly related to worry, and most of physical illness. Worry is devastating, but more than that it isn't what worry does to you, it is what worry does to God. Because when you worry you are, in effect, saying, 'God, I know You keep saying that, but I just don't think I can trust You.' And worry, then, strikes a blow at the word and the person of God. 

Worry disbelieves Scripture. And you can go around all your life and say, 'I believe the inerrancy of the Bible. I believe in the absolute authority of the Scripture.'…And then just live your life worrying, and you are saying one thing out of one side of your mouth and something else out of the other. 

You see, worry means that you are mastered by your circumstances and not the truth of God. Worry misunderstands your position as a child of God. Worry is a devastating sin. Worry is a killing, debilitating, self-indulgent, possessive anxiety that says, 'God can't care for me and I've got to do this thing myself.' That's sin. That makes God a liar. It ignores His love. It ignores His power." 

-John MacArthur, Message entitled, "Overcoming Financial Worry, Part 2"  

Today, we are going to talk about:

Becoming Women of BOLD FAITH! (Trusting in the Promises and Providence of God)

• What can you do when you face overwhelming fear, incessant worry, up-all-night anxiety, worst-case scenarios becoming the only probabilities you can think about? [Think about how God brought you through before; cast your anxiety on the Lord in prayer; be grateful, focusing on what we do have] 

When facing overwhelming and difficult situations, rather than becoming anxious, you can:

1. Pray! (Philippians 4:6-7)  
2. Read God's Word (Philippians 4:8)—especially through the Psalms—and preach it to yourself!
3. Remember God's faithfulness to you in the past (Psalm 57:2 - "It is the duty of the saints, especially in times of straits, to reflect upon the performances of Providence for them in all the states and through all the stages of their live" -John Flavel, The Providence of God.)

•  What do we do with those daily, nagging concerns—finances, training children, health, decisions, schedule, the weather, people—that leave us in a continual state of worry, fear and fretting? [Pray and TRUST GOD as our Father; claim promises and truths specific to the situation]

Let's study Matthew 6:25-34:

"If your concept of God is right, and you see that He is the owner, controller, provider, then knowing beyond that that not only does He own, and control and provide, but He is your own Father, and a loving Father, at that, you have nothing for which to worry. Because if He has all things in His control, and that all things which He controls He controls in the behalf of His children, and you are His child, that should be the death of worry…Anxiety is absolutely foolish because of our Father.

Birds, God takes care of. Don't you think He'll take care of you?…[We] ignore God's priorities and His promises and [we] forfeit the carefree heart. If birds don't have any reason to worry, what are you worrying for? Are you not much better than a bird?…No bird was ever created in the image of Christ…if God sustains the life of a bird, do you think He'll take care of you?

Life is a gift from God. If God gives you the greater gift which is life, do you think He'll not give you the lesser gift which is the sustaining of that life?"

-John MacArthur, Overcoming Financial Worry, Part 1 

In this passage in Matthew 6, we learn that like the birds, we should not be concerned or worried about any area of our lives—not even the most basic one's like food and clothing. "That's My Area," says the Lord. 

Then, what is "OUR AREA"? 

To seek first God's Kingdom and to live obedient to His will (v. 33; 6:10). Our Father promises to care for the rest.   

Is it any wonder that great missionaries, martyrs and heroes of the faith, were able to continue the work God had called them to in spite of the many fears that faced them—they had one thriving passion: God's kingdom.  

A good friend of mine would often say, "The pursuit of God is the only pursuit worthy of an entire lifetime." 

And so, we can conclude: 

We fight fear with the fear of God!  

In reality, fear is foolish when we have such a powerful and loving God. We learn in Proverbs that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. It is this fear of God that tells all other fears that they have no place.

God has created you and chosen you. And because He has a specific plan and purpose for your life, He will sustain you to that end. As a child of God, you are invincible—touched only by God's Sovereign working in your life.

We must do away with our unbelieving "ifs" and "buts," our questioning and doubting of God's power, wisdom, and tender care over us. And choose to live by faith—not reason. The Christian was meant to live a life anything but ordinary. Trusting God in EVERYTHING! 

Let's conclude by reading Psalm 37.

Note: We again prayed specifically for the salvation and spiritual growth of our children at the end of the lesson today. Let's continue to make this a priority as we seek to grow in our prayer life.