Strategy 4: Your Family (Fortifying the Lives of Those You Love)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 4, "Your Family"
• Bible Reading: Ephesians 5:21-33, Psalm 127, Philippians 4:6-7, Psalm 78:1-8

Fortify - "to strengthen with defensive works so as to protect against attack; to strengthen or invigorate someone inwardly or physically."

"If I were your enemy, I'd seek to disintegrate your family and destroy every member of it. I'd want to tear away at your trust and unity and turn everyone's love inward on themselves. I would make sure your family didn't look anything like it's supposed to. Because then people would look at your Christian marriage, your Christian kids, and see you're no different, no stronger than anybody else—that God, underneath it all, really doesn't change anything.

Notes from the study:

"The devil hates the family because he hates the gospel of Jesus Christ…Not only do marriages picture the gospel of God's grace on earth, but so do the relationships between children and their parents…The devil is on a mission, hell-bent to destroy the glory of God and His everlasting kingdom wherever it exists, so he aims at the most important target: the gospel." -Scott T. Brown, A Theology of the Family 

Praying for your husband:

In lesson two, we learned to focus on the real enemy—the devil—rather than fighting against our husband. We learned that our marriages are a flesh-and-blood representation of the gospel to our children…to the world. A picture of the believers relationship to God.

Let's read Eph. 5:21-33.

Verse 25 tells husbands to love their wives "as Christ loves the church." And, verse 22 tells wives to submit to their husbands "as unto the Lord." "The gospel truth is displayed by the very structure of the family. It should not be a surprise to us that the devil would hate God's design and purpose for the family." -Scott T. Brown, A Theology of the Family 

The gospel is at stake! And so, Satan is very interested in our marriages. 

When there is tension, struggles, bickering, silence—these are all marks of an outside enemy. Yet, our natural response is to attack each other. Some label this as the "crazy cycle"—a wife searching for love from her husband, a husband searching for respect from his wife. Each trying to change the other. 

Others label it as "insanity"—doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. "But isn't that what happens when you try to change your husband? It's frustration at the highest level." -The Love Dare

We do not have the ability to change our husbands, nor the authority over them, but we have been given authority "over all the power of the enemy" (Luke 10:17-20). 

And so, we can and should FIGHT for our marriage. We should become… 

Wise Farmers

A farmer cannot MAKE a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. He plants the seed, nurtures the soil, protects it from weeds, and then turns it over to God (only God has the power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances, your marriage). 

Regardless of the soil (i.e. type of husband) you are working with, you are to plan for success. You are to:

     — Get the weeds out of your marriage   

     — Nurture the soil of your man's heart  

     — Depend on God for the results 

All through: effective prayer

"A wife will accomplish more through strategic prayer than from all her persuasive efforts. It is also a much more pleasant way to live." -The Love Dare

Personal Story: When I first started to grasp this concept of running to the Lord with my frustrations rather than my husband, it was not easy. I would find myself stubbornly wanting to fight for my rights, say what was on my mind, or express where I was not feeling very loved. I was basically Newton's third law of motion in physics: for every action, I had a reaction! I knew God was prompting me to pray, but I knew that if I prayed, God would show me where I was wrong, and that I should love, regardless. But, when I finally humbled myself and took each matter to the Lord in prayer first, recognizing my need for His help, the Lord started strengthening me and gently teaching me how to love my husband in a deeper way. I also gained discernment in each situation, that would normally have been clouded through emotions, selfishness, tiredness, hormones, etc. Also, I noticed that my husband was much more drawn to me—and gave me the love I was looking for—when I was quiet and slow to react.  

• What would you change about your husband if you could?

• When are you most tempted to "fight" against your husband? 

• What can strengthen you and help you to take your vocal pleas to God instead of to your husband? [humbling ourselves, recognizing our need of God, submitting to God's purpose for marriage, realizing that though open communication done in the right way is healthy for the relationship—my desire to fight for my rights and always vocalize my feelings is a worldly philosophy]   

 

"Have you ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight into your spouse's hidden faults? Do you really think it's for endless nagging? No, it is for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your mate than you." -The Love Dare

Instead of resenting where your husband is weak, pray for where he is weak. The same way you would want him to do for you.

"Prayer is the gentle tool of restoration appropriated through the prayers of a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and to give life more than get even. It's a way to invite God's power into your husband's life for his greatest blessing, which is ultimately yours too." -The Power of a Praying Wife 

• Where is your husband struggling right now? What are his concerns? (Job? Health? Finances?…)

• Write separate prayers for each of these areas. Include verses and promises of God that relate to these areas as well. Then, take time right now to pray these for him.

As we take each concern, issue and struggle to the Lord in prayer—we grow in our love for our husbands and God gently changes us in the process. Prayer is the ultimate love language.  

"We should pray for everyone, but especially our spouse. The purest love is expressed by earnest prayer, and prayer will preserve love." —Richard Steele, Theology of the Family

• What are a few areas you know if you changed about yourself, it would bring more enjoyment and blessing to your husband?

• Write a "Change Me" prayer to God for specific areas where you need to grow in the relationship. Ask God to reveal other areas of needed change, and to give wisdom as you relate in love to your husband and to give discernment as to his needs, both physical and spiritual. 

What our husband needs most right now is for his wife to become a "soft, safe place for him to land." He needs reprieve from the weight of a lifetime of supporting a family. He needs to come home to a safe haven—a source of contentment, acceptance, rejuvenation, rest and love. He needs a woman who "fears the Lord" (Prov. 31:30), and thus, throws all her burdens at the feet of Jesus, rather than on his shoulders. 

Praying for your children:

"The Bible says our children are 'like arrows in the hand of a warrior' (Ps. 127:4). We raise them up to shoot them out into the culture, bearing the image of Christ to the world." —Fervent 

Let's study Psalm 127:

(v. 1) - We cannot "build our houses" apart from God (Our will to work, abilities, opportunities, and successes are gifts of God)

(v. 2) - Trusting in the Lord, rather than in our own strength, gives inner peace and rest instead of constant anxiety

(v. 3-5) - Children are a great blessing—a gift—from God and help us bear the image of Christ to the world 

When I read this psalm in regards to my family, I am encouraged that I am not supposed to be a stressed out mom, but rather a mom that is trusting God and thus enjoying my children as the gift that they are (even amidst all the craziness!). We continue to be diligent in our many tasks as mothers, but the weight and the strain are gone as we trust God for the results. 

Pray FOR your children: 

As mothers, we often spend our days worrying about our children and the many struggles that come with caring for them. And, we take each of our child's struggles personally. We seek solutions from our friends, parenting books, blogs. But, we are forgetting our most powerful weapon not only to strengthen our children, but to strengthen us as moms: Prayer! 

"Be careful [stressed out, worried, full of anxiety] for NOTHING; but in everything by PRAYER and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the 

PEACE OF GOD, 

which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7   

• Is your family in need of more "peace of God"? 

We can take each struggle—great or small—to God and watch Him work in the lives of His children. We must remember they belong first to God and that He has a specific purpose for their life. 

Personal Story: I noticed that one of my sons was becoming lazy, and not pulling the same weight as the other kids. I was deeply concerned that I was getting nowhere with motivating him to work hard. I prayed very specifically that God would show him the value of hard work. That same day, I was folding the laundry and the Lord brought to mind the idea of having him put his own clothes away—a task I had not yet asked of him like I do the older kids. When he completed the task, I expressed how proud I was of him. He smiled and as I turned to help the older ones with their school work, I noticed that he decided on his own to not only put his clothes away, but everyone else's as well. I had tried several creative ways to motivate him in the past, but it wasn't until I allowed God to work in my son's life, that we gained true victory! 

It is our role to know our children and to intercede on their behalf. Pray for their protection, their character, their struggles, their friendships, their future. Above all, pray for their salvation, love for God and desire to read His Word and pray. 

• What specific needs does each of your children have right now?

• Write a prayer for each of your children, bringing to God their specific needs—spiritually, physically, relationally, etc.

Pray WITH your children: 

Prayer is often a more private habit; however, when it comes to our children, it is important that they see a vivid example in us of what it means to pray and how to pray. There are many ways to accomplish this. The way it worked in our family was that each night before putting the children to bed, rather than a quick, "Dear Lord, Thank you for this day. We pray for a good night's sleep. Amen," my husband would pray fervently and specifically for the needs of those in our family, church, and anyone else who came to mind. He would pray for them by name and bring their specific need before God. 

At first, I inwardly fought against this. It was such a fete getting the kids ready for bed, teeth brushed, and so on, that I was just wanting them in bed at that point. Plus, I thought they were so tired they probably were not even listening. But, in the last couple years, as our first two children have grown, I noticed something in them. They know how to pray! They know how to claim God's promises and pour out their hearts for the needs of others. Not only will praying with your children teach them how to pray and to take each concern to God, but it will also teach them to care about the needs of others.

And prayer is so much more than just bringing our requests before God—it is a relationship. It is a living interaction with our Father. You are teaching your children what it means to know God and walk humbly with Him. 

• When is a specific time you and your husband can pray with your children each day?  

My husband and I will also pray with our kids over specific areas of struggle in their life. Both to teach them their need of God and to show them the importance of gaining victory in that specific area of their life. This also shows them the deep value of prayer—that it's more than just a quick thing we do before meals. 

The most amazing—or I guess you could say, "magical"—thing about prayer is that it is the one habit we recollect the longest. Long after your words are forgotten, your child will remember your prayers. 

We must be wise, God-fearing mothers, unlike the ostrich described in Job, "which leaveth her eggs in the earth…and forgetteth that the foot may crush them, or that the wild beast may break them…her labour is in vain without fear" (Job 39:14-16). We cannot leave our children to chance, or the devil will surely take hold of them! We must in wisdom, fervently seek the Lord and entrust them to His care.  

• How can prayer become more of a priority in your home?  

  

We may fail in many things as parents, but let's get this one thing right: that we never grow weary in praying for our children and in training them to hope in God! 

May this be our resolution:

That the generation to come might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God…showing them the praises of the Lord, and His strength, and His wonderful works that He has done. (Psalm 78:6-7, 4)