Strategy 5: Your Past (Ending the Reign of Guilt, Shame and Regret)

Fervent Reading: Chapter 5, "Your Past"

Bible Reading: Ephesians 2:1-5, Ephesians 3:16-20, Romans 8:35-39, Lamentations 3:21-23 

"If I were your enemy, I'd constantly remind you of your past mistakes and poor choices. I'd want to keep you burdened by shame and guilt, in hopes that you'll feel incapacitated by your many feelings and see no point in even trying again. I'd work to convince you that you've had your chance and blown it—that your God may be able to forgive some people for some things, but not you…not for this.

Notes from the study:

[In reflecting back over this past week, I notice that as I pray for things and the Lord answers and the situation betters, I stop praying and start relying on self again. I find myself in this continual state of wavering between dependance on God and dependance on self. I am encouraging each of us today to stay constant in our prayer lives, realizing that even when we are not in times of dire straits, our prayers are the preventative medicine that shield us from the oncoming attack.] 

[One of the women shared that she was at the bedside of her grandmother this week just after her death, thinking, "What is our life if we don't influence the next generation to live for God." She has started to read a chapter in Proverbs with her 9-month old boy each day as she feeds him in his high chair. We took the time today to pray for our children's salvation. If you were not able to make it to the study today, take a moment right now to pray for your children...specifically for their salvation and knowledge of God.]

Today, we are going to talk about:  

Our REAL Life in Christ—building your Christ-proclaiming testimony through your forgiven, grace-covered past, present and future.  

• Which of the following best describes your struggles with the past?

— My past fills me with regret and/or memories of time wasted on lesser things…

— My upbringing plagues me, filling me with despair and bitterness… 

— I make mistakes with my children (or others close to me), leaving me discouraged and frustrated…

— I worry about tomorrow, already counting it a failure, based on my previous performance…   

"As long as I am stricken with the guilt of my sins, I will be captive to them, and will often find myself re-committing the very sins about which I feel most guilty. The devil is well aware of this fact; he knows that if he can keep me tormented by sin's guilt, he can dominate me with sin's power. 

The gospel, however, slays sin at this root point and thereby nullifies sin's power over me. The forgiveness of God, made known to me through the gospel, liberates me from sins's power because it liberates me first from its guilt (Romans 6:14); and preaching such forgiveness to myself is a practical way of putting the gospel into operation as a nullifier of sin's power in my life." 

-Milton Vincent, A Gospel Primer 

Believers, say it with me: I Am Forgiven! 

"In prayer you are alone with a God Who sees you only as you are and have always been since that beautiful moment when you placed faith in Him—holy, righteous, and blameless; past, present, and future." -Fervent 

Psalm 32:1-7 (ESV)  

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. 

Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. 

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah  

Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found; surely in the rush of great waters, they shall not reach him. 

You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah

___

In Lamentations 3:21-23, we learn that God's mercies are new for us every morning! As believers, we should begin each day with fresh energy through applied faith—rooted and grounded in Christ's love (Ephesians 3:16-20).  

In Ephesians 3, we read that the love of God is so high, so deep, so wide, so infinitely full that it "passeth knowledge." And, in Romans 8:35-39, we read that nothing—time nor space, angels nor demons, nor any created power—can separate us from the deep, deep "love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  

Frederick Lehman, in his hymn, "The Love of God," describes God's love as something we could speak of or write about forever, never finding an end to His love:     

The love of God is greater far

1. Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
   It goes beyond the highest star,
   And reaches to the lowest hell;
   The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
   God gave His Son to win;
   His erring child He reconciled,
   And pardoned from his sin.
   • Refrain:
     Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
     How measureless and strong!
     It shall forevermore endure—
     The saints’ and angels’ song.
2. Could we with ink the ocean fill,
   And were the skies of parchment made,
   Were every stalk on earth a quill,
   And every man a scribe by trade;
   To write the love of God above
   Would drain the ocean dry;
   Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
   Though stretched from sky to sky.

Let's Read Ephesians 2:1-5.

Anytime our past—whether things we did long ago or more recent failures, comes to mind—we can meditate on the two beginning words of verse four, "But God"— 

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 

Any failure the devil plays before our eyes is forgiven! We often get busy in life and lose our grasp of the TRUTH. But, through time spent at the feet of Jesus, in His Word and in prayer, we are reminded of God's grace toward us through His glorious gospel. The gospel is not something that we leave at the day of our salvation. It is what energizes us every day of our lives. It is what sets us apart from the non-believer. It is what teaches us to truly love others, as displayed through the example of Christ. And when we fail and make mistakes, it only shows God's glory more, putting His grace on display.

Gloria Furman, in her book, "Treasuring Christ When Your Hands are Full" says, "What mother isn't plagued by her feelings of inadequacy and guilt over her mistakes?…Even if we haven't committed any gross infractions that we're aware of, we don't have to look very far into our heart to uncover our sinfulness. We use our children to bloat our egos and make us look good. We criticize other mothers to alleviate our feelings of insecurity. We fail to love our children with selfless, sacrificial love. We neglect our children in the name of ministry. We break fellowship with our Christian sisters over petty matters of parenting preferences. We set bad examples and train our children to value the world's opinion over God's. And these are just a few of the ways we fail to live righteously. There are also the other impossible standards that we invent and hold ourselves to. We feel shame over projects we start and don't finish. We feel guilty that our children aren't 'turning out' as we had planned. We stumble into the snare of 'the fear of man' and live for the approval of other mothers…What hope does a flawed mom have? Against the backdrop of this bleak outlook, the gospel shines brighter and gives a more durable hope than the empty promises of self-actualization and the short-lived encouragement from glass-half-full optimism. The gospel changes how we view our failures, and we see how God redeems our flaws for His own glory." 

God said to Paul concerning his weakness:  

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

And so, Paul proclaims: 

"Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (II Cor. 12:9)

In light of this truth, you might wonder, "Then does it really matter if I sin?" Paul says in Romans 6, "God forbid." "How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?"

Milton Vincent, in "The Gospel Primer," says in moments of temptation, he enjoys saying to himself, "You know, I can commit this sin, and God's grace would abound to me all the more as He maintains my justified status…But it is precisely for this reason that I choose not to commit this sin!" 

Gloria Furman says, "The indignant, self-righteous lament, 'I know better than this; how could I have been so foolish?' is a poor conduit of grace in our lives and offers us nothing for tomorrow but compounded guilt. But the soul-freeing news of the gospel that says Jesus loved us perfectly on the cross and redeems our failures—this news is of another kind. This is very good news. Now with faith-filled joy we can rejoice in God and say, 'How could I have been so foolish? See the grace He has shown me in His Son!'" 

And so, here it is—the joy of our salvation. Here is where we no longer live in the past. Here is where we move forward from shame to assurance, from guilt to grace, from regret to blessing. God's love for us gives rise to our love for Him (I John 4:19). Our fervency to pray and seek God in His Word will stem from this love. And thus, in our day to day activities, our actions and reactions should be the mark of our response to this love. Not driven by duty or derailed by despair, and not living in perfection either, but rather living, as Paul says further on in Romans 6, "in the likeness of His resurrection." Alive. Aware. Anew.

"If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."  (2 Corinthians 5:17) 

"It is only when a deep sense of insufficiency and a strong confidence in God are combined that you are at all likely to be successful in your arduous work. Your sense of insufficiency will make you cautious, tender, watchful, prayerful; and your confidence in God will nerve your soul and strengthen you to grapple with the difficulties you have to encounter." -James Cameron

Rather than our insufficiency just making us feel inadequate for each day, we can use it to continually go to Christ. Our weakness draws us to Christ. 

So, we are forgiven and free to take our past and learn from it and teach from it—especially to our children. This is where we build a REAL testimony as believers. One, where we don't hide our past, but use it for Christ's glory! 

"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." (2 Cor. 1:3-4)

Personal Story: I used to think that the best way to be a strong witness for Christ with my life was to give others a "perfect" view of myself. I would never talk of my shortcomings or failures—in fact, I would try to conceal them so that other women could see how "amazing" I was (notice the quotation marks!). That way, I thought, they would see my "light" and want to be like me—a Christian. This philosophy made me very concerned for what others thought and I often found myself striving in my Christian walk more than trusting, putting on "fake" smiles when I was tired and, in the end, discouraging other women who saw me as "flawless." My testimony was missing the gospel! It was missing Christ and what He has done for me and continues to do for me everyday! It is not necessary to spill all of our dirty laundry, nor to degrade or belittle ourselves, but rather to confidently exalt Christ. To give others a picture of how His Word materializes in everyday life. It is necessary that we become REAL Christians and give others an image filled with hope because it leads them to Christ and His love and forgiveness!

We are all drawn to women who are "real." You know. The woman who can invite you in when her house is messy. The woman who is confident in who she is and feels no need to put on a front. The woman who looks you in the eye, full of compassion, more concerned with your needs than with what you think of her. She laughs at her mistakes and makes you feel at ease. She never intimidates, but continually bolsters and strengthens through her genuine example. It is time to lay down our "front" as Christian women, and show a hurting world that everything we are is because of Christ. And He is the same yesterday and today and forever! (Heb. 13:8)

"We rise to defend ourselves over petty things. We give disclaimers about things such as how much we paid for something, why a child responded in a certain way, or why the kitchen countertop is a mess. We also justify things that are a big deal—like our sin. The Bible says that pretending we have no sin is pointless, because the cross has already announced to the world just how guilty we are. We need a Savior, not a self-help guru. Our 'dirtiest laundry' has already been aired. Our sin has offended an infinitely holy God so that the death of the perfect Son of God was required in order to rescue us from the eternal punishment that we deserve. That's why Jesus died in our place on the cross. The grace given to us on the cross liberates us from the heavy burden of pretense before other people and (most importantly) before God…Why do we sweat and strain under the burden of pretense in front of friends who were saved by the same grace given to them by the same Savior, or in front of friends who don't know that grace can free them too? We have no good reason to shrink back from confessing our sins to the Lord or to our trustworthy sisters in Christ. We have every reason to glory in the cross and trust Jesus with our PR department.…Instead of being preoccupied with building our own kingdom, we can take up the ministry of reconciliation that God has given us…When you discover that you are the unworthy recipient of God's lavish grace, you cannot help but share it with others." -Gloria Furman  

• What is your testimony? What has God done in your life? Write down your testimony now—only, rather than your salvation testimony, write down some key areas in your life since being saved (areas where you failed or where you faced struggles or times of waiting, etc.) that God has used to draw you to Himself, teach you more about Him, and make you more like Him. (It is these areas that can point others of like situation to Christ)

• Pray that the Lord will give you opportunity to share these areas where Christ has shown Himself strong in your life with others in a way that would bring praise to His great name!

• What can you do the next time you get discouraged or feel weak from failure? Or the next time your past comes back to torment you?

Let's read Psalm 40:1-17 as a prayer to our God.

May the Lord be magnified—Made Great—through our lives!  

My award is not to be "Mom-of-the-Year." Neither is it the praise of other women or even my own self-approval. No, my award is a beautiful relationship with my God, who has redeemed my life!

Strategy 4: Your Family (Fortifying the Lives of Those You Love)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 4, "Your Family"
• Bible Reading: Ephesians 5:21-33, Psalm 127, Philippians 4:6-7, Psalm 78:1-8

Fortify - "to strengthen with defensive works so as to protect against attack; to strengthen or invigorate someone inwardly or physically."

"If I were your enemy, I'd seek to disintegrate your family and destroy every member of it. I'd want to tear away at your trust and unity and turn everyone's love inward on themselves. I would make sure your family didn't look anything like it's supposed to. Because then people would look at your Christian marriage, your Christian kids, and see you're no different, no stronger than anybody else—that God, underneath it all, really doesn't change anything.

Notes from the study:

"The devil hates the family because he hates the gospel of Jesus Christ…Not only do marriages picture the gospel of God's grace on earth, but so do the relationships between children and their parents…The devil is on a mission, hell-bent to destroy the glory of God and His everlasting kingdom wherever it exists, so he aims at the most important target: the gospel." -Scott T. Brown, A Theology of the Family 

Praying for your husband:

In lesson two, we learned to focus on the real enemy—the devil—rather than fighting against our husband. We learned that our marriages are a flesh-and-blood representation of the gospel to our children…to the world. A picture of the believers relationship to God.

Let's read Eph. 5:21-33.

Verse 25 tells husbands to love their wives "as Christ loves the church." And, verse 22 tells wives to submit to their husbands "as unto the Lord." "The gospel truth is displayed by the very structure of the family. It should not be a surprise to us that the devil would hate God's design and purpose for the family." -Scott T. Brown, A Theology of the Family 

The gospel is at stake! And so, Satan is very interested in our marriages. 

When there is tension, struggles, bickering, silence—these are all marks of an outside enemy. Yet, our natural response is to attack each other. Some label this as the "crazy cycle"—a wife searching for love from her husband, a husband searching for respect from his wife. Each trying to change the other. 

Others label it as "insanity"—doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. "But isn't that what happens when you try to change your husband? It's frustration at the highest level." -The Love Dare

We do not have the ability to change our husbands, nor the authority over them, but we have been given authority "over all the power of the enemy" (Luke 10:17-20). 

And so, we can and should FIGHT for our marriage. We should become… 

Wise Farmers

A farmer cannot MAKE a seed grow into a fruitful crop. He cannot argue, manipulate, or demand it to bear fruit. He plants the seed, nurtures the soil, protects it from weeds, and then turns it over to God (only God has the power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances, your marriage). 

Regardless of the soil (i.e. type of husband) you are working with, you are to plan for success. You are to:

     — Get the weeds out of your marriage   

     — Nurture the soil of your man's heart  

     — Depend on God for the results 

All through: effective prayer

"A wife will accomplish more through strategic prayer than from all her persuasive efforts. It is also a much more pleasant way to live." -The Love Dare

Personal Story: When I first started to grasp this concept of running to the Lord with my frustrations rather than my husband, it was not easy. I would find myself stubbornly wanting to fight for my rights, say what was on my mind, or express where I was not feeling very loved. I was basically Newton's third law of motion in physics: for every action, I had a reaction! I knew God was prompting me to pray, but I knew that if I prayed, God would show me where I was wrong, and that I should love, regardless. But, when I finally humbled myself and took each matter to the Lord in prayer first, recognizing my need for His help, the Lord started strengthening me and gently teaching me how to love my husband in a deeper way. I also gained discernment in each situation, that would normally have been clouded through emotions, selfishness, tiredness, hormones, etc. Also, I noticed that my husband was much more drawn to me—and gave me the love I was looking for—when I was quiet and slow to react.  

• What would you change about your husband if you could?

• When are you most tempted to "fight" against your husband? 

• What can strengthen you and help you to take your vocal pleas to God instead of to your husband? [humbling ourselves, recognizing our need of God, submitting to God's purpose for marriage, realizing that though open communication done in the right way is healthy for the relationship—my desire to fight for my rights and always vocalize my feelings is a worldly philosophy]   

 

"Have you ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight into your spouse's hidden faults? Do you really think it's for endless nagging? No, it is for effective kneeling. No one knows better how to pray for your mate than you." -The Love Dare

Instead of resenting where your husband is weak, pray for where he is weak. The same way you would want him to do for you.

"Prayer is the gentle tool of restoration appropriated through the prayers of a wife who longs to do right more than be right, and to give life more than get even. It's a way to invite God's power into your husband's life for his greatest blessing, which is ultimately yours too." -The Power of a Praying Wife 

• Where is your husband struggling right now? What are his concerns? (Job? Health? Finances?…)

• Write separate prayers for each of these areas. Include verses and promises of God that relate to these areas as well. Then, take time right now to pray these for him.

As we take each concern, issue and struggle to the Lord in prayer—we grow in our love for our husbands and God gently changes us in the process. Prayer is the ultimate love language.  

"We should pray for everyone, but especially our spouse. The purest love is expressed by earnest prayer, and prayer will preserve love." —Richard Steele, Theology of the Family

• What are a few areas you know if you changed about yourself, it would bring more enjoyment and blessing to your husband?

• Write a "Change Me" prayer to God for specific areas where you need to grow in the relationship. Ask God to reveal other areas of needed change, and to give wisdom as you relate in love to your husband and to give discernment as to his needs, both physical and spiritual. 

What our husband needs most right now is for his wife to become a "soft, safe place for him to land." He needs reprieve from the weight of a lifetime of supporting a family. He needs to come home to a safe haven—a source of contentment, acceptance, rejuvenation, rest and love. He needs a woman who "fears the Lord" (Prov. 31:30), and thus, throws all her burdens at the feet of Jesus, rather than on his shoulders. 

Praying for your children:

"The Bible says our children are 'like arrows in the hand of a warrior' (Ps. 127:4). We raise them up to shoot them out into the culture, bearing the image of Christ to the world." —Fervent 

Let's study Psalm 127:

(v. 1) - We cannot "build our houses" apart from God (Our will to work, abilities, opportunities, and successes are gifts of God)

(v. 2) - Trusting in the Lord, rather than in our own strength, gives inner peace and rest instead of constant anxiety

(v. 3-5) - Children are a great blessing—a gift—from God and help us bear the image of Christ to the world 

When I read this psalm in regards to my family, I am encouraged that I am not supposed to be a stressed out mom, but rather a mom that is trusting God and thus enjoying my children as the gift that they are (even amidst all the craziness!). We continue to be diligent in our many tasks as mothers, but the weight and the strain are gone as we trust God for the results. 

Pray FOR your children: 

As mothers, we often spend our days worrying about our children and the many struggles that come with caring for them. And, we take each of our child's struggles personally. We seek solutions from our friends, parenting books, blogs. But, we are forgetting our most powerful weapon not only to strengthen our children, but to strengthen us as moms: Prayer! 

"Be careful [stressed out, worried, full of anxiety] for NOTHING; but in everything by PRAYER and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. And the 

PEACE OF GOD, 

which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7   

• Is your family in need of more "peace of God"? 

We can take each struggle—great or small—to God and watch Him work in the lives of His children. We must remember they belong first to God and that He has a specific purpose for their life. 

Personal Story: I noticed that one of my sons was becoming lazy, and not pulling the same weight as the other kids. I was deeply concerned that I was getting nowhere with motivating him to work hard. I prayed very specifically that God would show him the value of hard work. That same day, I was folding the laundry and the Lord brought to mind the idea of having him put his own clothes away—a task I had not yet asked of him like I do the older kids. When he completed the task, I expressed how proud I was of him. He smiled and as I turned to help the older ones with their school work, I noticed that he decided on his own to not only put his clothes away, but everyone else's as well. I had tried several creative ways to motivate him in the past, but it wasn't until I allowed God to work in my son's life, that we gained true victory! 

It is our role to know our children and to intercede on their behalf. Pray for their protection, their character, their struggles, their friendships, their future. Above all, pray for their salvation, love for God and desire to read His Word and pray. 

• What specific needs does each of your children have right now?

• Write a prayer for each of your children, bringing to God their specific needs—spiritually, physically, relationally, etc.

Pray WITH your children: 

Prayer is often a more private habit; however, when it comes to our children, it is important that they see a vivid example in us of what it means to pray and how to pray. There are many ways to accomplish this. The way it worked in our family was that each night before putting the children to bed, rather than a quick, "Dear Lord, Thank you for this day. We pray for a good night's sleep. Amen," my husband would pray fervently and specifically for the needs of those in our family, church, and anyone else who came to mind. He would pray for them by name and bring their specific need before God. 

At first, I inwardly fought against this. It was such a fete getting the kids ready for bed, teeth brushed, and so on, that I was just wanting them in bed at that point. Plus, I thought they were so tired they probably were not even listening. But, in the last couple years, as our first two children have grown, I noticed something in them. They know how to pray! They know how to claim God's promises and pour out their hearts for the needs of others. Not only will praying with your children teach them how to pray and to take each concern to God, but it will also teach them to care about the needs of others.

And prayer is so much more than just bringing our requests before God—it is a relationship. It is a living interaction with our Father. You are teaching your children what it means to know God and walk humbly with Him. 

• When is a specific time you and your husband can pray with your children each day?  

My husband and I will also pray with our kids over specific areas of struggle in their life. Both to teach them their need of God and to show them the importance of gaining victory in that specific area of their life. This also shows them the deep value of prayer—that it's more than just a quick thing we do before meals. 

The most amazing—or I guess you could say, "magical"—thing about prayer is that it is the one habit we recollect the longest. Long after your words are forgotten, your child will remember your prayers. 

We must be wise, God-fearing mothers, unlike the ostrich described in Job, "which leaveth her eggs in the earth…and forgetteth that the foot may crush them, or that the wild beast may break them…her labour is in vain without fear" (Job 39:14-16). We cannot leave our children to chance, or the devil will surely take hold of them! We must in wisdom, fervently seek the Lord and entrust them to His care.  

• How can prayer become more of a priority in your home?  

  

We may fail in many things as parents, but let's get this one thing right: that we never grow weary in praying for our children and in training them to hope in God! 

May this be our resolution:

That the generation to come might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God…showing them the praises of the Lord, and His strength, and His wonderful works that He has done. (Psalm 78:6-7, 4) 

  

  

Strategy 3: Your Identity (Remembering Who You Are in Christ)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 3: Your Identity
• Bible Reading: Ephesians 5:8-14, Matthew 5:16, Ephesians 1:3-19 

"If I were your enemy, I'd devalue your strength and magnify your insecurities until they dominate how you see yourself, disabling and disarming you from fighting back, from being free, from being who God has created you to be. I'd work hard to ensure that you never realize what God has given you so you'll doubt the power of God within you."

Notes from the study:

"If we don't know who we really are, we'll downplay our real strength. We'll hate our bodies, highlight our weaknesses, cringe with insecurities, and constantly view ourselves as 'less than' by comparison with others." -Priscilla Shirer, Fervent 

Personal Story: Just before reading this chapter on our identity, I had a week filled with little reminders of where I was falling short as a mom, as a wife, as a woman. And then, the weekend came. My husband and his boss were donating their time to build a coffee bar for a ministry a few hours away and the wives and kids were all invited to come along. I had planned a few fun activities to do with the boss' wife while the men worked. I had met her a few months earlier—beautiful, intelligent, stylish, very together—I was excited to get to know her. But, before I could suggest a hike or the local coffee shop, she had changed into work clothes, drill in hand and was ready to help the men work and lay tile. My mouth dropped open. 

"Oh right" I thought, "I should help too. I hadn't thought of that." But then a second thought came to mind, "I don't have a drill or know the first thing about laying tile. I would make a fool of myself." Then a third thought came, "Should I know how to do these things? My husband is in construction. Am I a bad wife because I can't help him with his projects?" The thoughts raced in my mind faster than I could control them: "Look at her by her husbands side. Amazing! And she's not afraid to wear rough clothes around everyone and she still looks beautiful. I could never be that confident. Why can't I be like her? Why can't I do this work? What can I do? Cook, organize, write place cards...not really that amazing." "Well," I said, interrupting my running thoughts, "I had better go check on the kids." 

And with that, I grabbed my Bible and Fervent book and RAN to a quiet place before anyone could read what was written all over my face. I opened up my book to the next chapter, "Your Identity." This was my breaking point. All week it seemed everywhere I looked, I was reminded of where I was failing, weak and inadequate. I let Satan sneak his way into my mind and devalue who I am in Christ. After reading the chapter and all the powerful verses, I fell to my knees in earnest prayer. And, what God had for me was grace, comfort like a gentle breeze, and wisdom. 

As I prayed, God brought to mind a conversation my husband and I had the first year of our marriage—ten years ago!—a conversation I had not thought about since. Suddenly, I remembered my husband expressing to me how much he loved that though we were similar, we each had our own areas of strength that we appreciated about each other. He loves how much he can impress me with what he can build and do. He loves that he feels needed, much the same how I feel when I cook a meal for him and he says, "You are amazing!" Right there—in the midst of my praying—I realized that I am who my husband needs. And while this woman is amazing, she is not married to my husband. I am! 

Then, God kept pouring down the wisdom as I started to see this woman in a new light. She is who her husband needs! I started to appreciate who she is and shifted from praying for myself to praying for her. Rather then resenting her or competing with her, I was now able to love her and be the friend that she needs. Even, to learn from her. I found myself the next week, helping my father-in-law lay his gravel driveway, having learned from her to not be afraid of tougher jobs. 

In the days to follow, I would watch her ride horses, drive four wheelers, and continue to amaze me. But, I was growing in my friendship with her. Why? Because of the wisdom gained through communion with my Father! Prayer brings who we are and how God sees us back into focus. And it is not until then that we can love others in a way that distinguishes us as believers (I Peter 1:22).

__________

"I recommend that you sit down sometime and think about what you are. Just think about it. You say you do not want to get interested in yourself. Well, you had better, because the devil is, and the world is, and so you had better be interested too…and do no let the world or the books of psychology tell you what you are. God to God's Word and find out what you are as a believing man or woman and as a Christian, a follower of Christ…As Christians, we ought to think of ourselves as being what God says we are. We cannot allow false modesty, doubts or unbelief to prevent us from accepting God's favor and putting ourselves in faith and humility where God puts us…We are exactly what God says we are. No more, and certainly no less."  -A.W. Tozer, Living as a Christian

So… 

Who Am I?

• If someone were to ask you to describe yourself, what are the specific things you feel make you, YOU?

• Where do you struggle most with feeling weak or inadequate?

• What does it mean to you to be a child of God?  

Ephesians 5:8-9 tells us that at one time, we were darkness, but now we are "Light in the Lord" and so we are to "walk as children of light." This light produces fruit (v.9)—the fruit of the Spirit—goodness (love in action), righteousness and truth. 

Our light was meant to SHINE in a dark world and glorify our Father (Matthew 5:16).

• Is your light shining? 

"[Without the true reality of your identity], you lose the effectiveness of your influence as a wife, a mom, a friend, a daughter, a sister—all the relationships where God has placed you to be a light of His grace, His power, His love, His well-placed confidence." -Priscilla Shirer, Fervent   

In verse 13 of Ephesians 5, we learn that we overcome the darkness of evil by shining the light of God's goodness. And, in verse 14, Paul encourages the believers of Ephesus to "arise from the dead," reminding them that they are alive! They once were dead in their sin, but now they are a walking, breathing picture of the resurrection.

As believers, we should be living fully alive, fully awake, fully aware of the truth of our identity.

Let's study Ephesians 1:3-19:

1. The TRUTH of your Identity (v.3-14):

Living "in Christ" (v.3) is the most significant aspect of your identity. "In Christ" we have EVERYTHING we need for a successful, satisfying Christian life ("all spiritual blessings"). 

• If you were rich, how would your life be different? [less struggle]

• What do you think it means to be spiritually rich? [no limits]

• How does living "in Christ" affect who you are and how you live? [we have all resources available to us]

• How does it affect your influence of others? 

"Believers today have limitless wealth at their disposal, and yet they live like paupers." -Warren Wiersbe, Ephesians: Be Rich 

The man who has God for his treasure has all things in One. Many ordinary treasures may be denied him, or if he is allowed to have them, the enjoyment of them will be so tempered that they will never be necessary to his happiness. Or if he must see them go, one after one, he will scarcely feel a sense of loss, for having the Source of all things he has in One satisfaction, all pleasure, all delight. Whatever he may lose he has actually lost nothing, for he now has it all in One, and he has it purely, legitimately and forever." -A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

What we have received from the Father:

• He has __________________ us. (v.4)  "God is always previous." -A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God. It humbles us to know that our salvation is truly a gift!  

• He has __________________ us. (v.5)  "Adoption is the gracious act of God whereby He chooses us. calls us to Himself, and gives us the privileges and blessings of being His children…adoption includes two precious benefits: a blessed status and wondrous privileges. God's adopted children share a status similar to the very Son of God (cf. Hos. 1:10; Rom. 9:26; 2 Cor. 6:18). This means that they enjoy the same love from God that exists between the Father and His Son (John 17:23; cf. Jer. 31:3; I John 3:1)…From being a child of the Devil to becoming a child of God; from a child of wrath to the object of God's favor; from a child of condemnation to an heir of all the promises and a possessor of all blessings; from the greatest misery to the highest felicity—adoption is a stupendous wonder." -Reformation Heritage Study Bible, p. 1628 

• He has __________________ us. (v.6) We are one with Christ and thus in God's favor. God sees us as He sees Jesus Christ. You cannot do anything to earn more of God's favor or to decrease God's favor. Our standing is perfect.  

What we have received from the Son:

• He has __________________ us. (v.7a) Gift of freedom by the payment of a ransom price, the sacrificial death (blood) of Christ (Mark 10:45); Christ redeemed sinners by satisfying God's justice (Rom. 3:24-26).  

• He has __________________ us. (v.7b)  

• He has __________________ God's will to us. (vv. 8-10)    

• He has made us an __________________. (vv. 11-12) We have been given the right to enjoy God's kingdom, as sons and daughters. Believers exist for the "praise of His glory." 

What we have received from the Holy Spirit:

• He has __________________ us. (v.13) (legal documents were authorized by the impression of a seal upon wax—the Spirit impresses the gospel on the heart)

• He has given us an  __________________. (v.14) (i.e. "down payment": a legally binding pledge of full possession in the future) 

2. The PRAYER for your Identity (v. 15-19):  

Paul prayed fervently that the believers would know their true identity—that they would:

• Know God (v.17): The Holy Spirit gives wisdom and reveals truth so that believers increase in the experiential knowledge of God. 

• Know God's Calling (v.18) We need to pray for more spiritual light in our minds and hearts (Psalm 119:18).

• Know God's Riches (v.18) 

• Know God's Power (v.19)  "Paul wanted us to know the greatness of God's power so that we would not fail to use our wealth, and so that the enemy would not deprive us of our wealth." -Warren Wiersbe, Ephesians: Be Rich 

"There's strategy to this combination of the Word and prayer. From Scripture we receive written proof of what God has done for us, what He's created us and called us and empowered us into becoming. Then in prayer we cooperate with Him to stamp these truths repeatedly into our hearts. In prayer we…transform the way we think of ourselves, receiving and believing our true identity—the one that was stamped on us the moment we ran to the foot of the cross." -Priscilla Shirer, Fervent

We often live in half truths, when we were meant to live in WHOLENESS. We are to put on the "belt of TRUTH" (Eph. 6:14) —meditate on God's Word—and then to think on those things that are TRUE (Phil. 4:4). TRUTH is God's standard and viewpoint about us, secured through God's Word and prayer. Rather than surrendering to an army of insecurities and misdiagnosis, you can be COURAGEOUSLY THRIVING in the security of your identity in Christ. Paul said, "I CAN through Christ" (Phil. 4:13).

And the truth is—those areas in ourselves where we see flaws, inadequacies, failures, weaknesses—those are the areas that are primed to display God's glory through the strengths and resources we now have in Christ!

"Let us by the grace of God, with [love] for all and hatred for none, but determination to be loyal to truth if it kills us, put our chin a little higher and our knees a little lower." -A.W. Tower, Living as a Christian

Say it with confidence and gratitude: 

"I am His and He is mine!" 

• Read through all the verses at the end of the chapter, and write one on a card to look at throughout the week and be reminded of the truth of who you are or what you have in Christ. 

For further study, click this link to enjoy a sermon by John MacArthur on Ephesians 1

Before Next Week:

• Read Chapter 4: "Your Family" and take notes in your journal   

• Write a prayer for each member of your immediate family 

• Pray!