Strategy 10: Your Relationships (Uniting in a Common Cause)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 10, "Your Relationships"
• Bible Reading: Philippians 2:1-15, Colossians 3:12-17

"If I were your enemy, I'd work to create division between you and other Christians, between groups of Christians, anyone with the potential for uniting in battle against me and my plans. I'd keep you operating individually, not seeing your need for the church or tying yourself too closely to its mission. Strength in numbers and unity of purpose…I would not allow things like these to go unchecked."

Notes from the study:

"Mark the ones that form the inner circle around your heart…the people who are most influential in helping you stay spiritually on task and on target—people who most likely depend on you in the same way. Think of your spouse, your closest girlfriends, your accountability partners, the other participants in your discipleship group. Do you ever sense any tearing or breaking between the close bonds you share with these people?" -Fervent

• Make a list of your inner circle of friends (Start with your husband, then your closest friends, and so on, trying to keep it to under 10 people):  

• Pray for the people on this list daily and fervently the way you pray for your own pressing needs and struggles. In your time of prayer, break down any walls threatening to divide you. Fight for unity. 

"Prayer helps us stay focused on bigger things, on much more eternal things than the petty stuff that threatens to puff itself up beyond actual size and become some huge deal it doesn't deserve to be. In prayer we experience the kind of hard-fought peace that unties us into an army of soldiers for Christ." -Fervent 

Satan often has us bickering against the people we need the most—the ones God has put into our life to help us and encourage us; the ones who need our building up and encouragement as well.

"And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more as ye see the day approaching." 

Hebrews 10:24-25

"Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another." 

Romans 14:19 

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful." 

Colossians 3:15  

"Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" 

Psalm 133:1

Let's Study Psalm 133:

In this Psalm, David describes the beauty of unity among God's people. Although this unity among believers is impossible to nature, divine grace amazingly makes the impossible, possible. The "dew" in verse three is a symbol of God's power to give and renew life. To put it in very basic terms, God knows how life works best. He knows what makes relationships thrive. In ourselves and with all of our pride, we cannot know this beautiful unity in our families, in our churches. It is the presence of God in our lives that makes this possible. As we take the time to pray, to know our God, to surrender to Him, that is when He fills us with His Spirit and gives the grace for us to truly prefer others above ourselves. This unity is to God's glory and to our good. How much our lives are lacking when we are busy producing discord and division, rather than building up others through the strength we find when we go to God in prayer.

Personal Story: The other night, my husband did a few consecutive things in a row that irritated me—minor things that could have easily been overlooked—but when put together in a short space of time and on a night when I was already tired, I couldn't seem to keep the words from coming out of my mouth, "What is wrong with you?" Of course, said in a very demeaning tone. A nicer word usage, but I was basically saying, "Are you stupid?!" I quickly went to take my shower, fearing what might come out of my mouth next. As I was in the shower, a battle was going on in my head. I knew I should pray. We had just studied last week about forgiving others and this week I have been studying about fighting for our unity. But, I knew "I was right" and I knew if I prayed, God would probably tell me what I didn't want to hear. It took me to the end of my shower, but finally I found the courage (and HUMILITY!) to pray. I simply asked the question we learned last week that is the first step to humility: "Lord, what do I do?" 

Before I even finished the question the Lord impressed on me that I need to go ask my husband for forgiveness because my response to him was not respectful or submissive. Then, I needed to let the children know that I was wrong, explaining to my daughters that Momma was not being submissive to Dadda as the head of the household and letting my boys know that God has made man the leader of the home and so he is responsible for the choices he makes and Momma was wrong to challenge Dadda. So, that is what I did. And, instead of a night where I would go to bed early out of anger, we made some french press coffee and were able to have a great talk, where because of my better (more humble) spirit, he felt free to share some struggles he was having at work and some things God was teaching Him. Grace restored our evening! God's way is not the easy way. We have to cut through a thick wall of pride—by His grace!—but when we submit to Him, He proves that He is the Creator and He knows how the human heart works. He knows how to renew life!  

Let's study Philippians 2: 

"If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,  

Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. 

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 2:1-5

In verse 5, Paul points to Christ as the greatest example of selflessness. Believers are to have the same mind, or attitude as Christ in dealing with others. This verse reminds us that the exhortations in verses 1-4 can be summed up by the phrase: 

"Be like Christ."

As we read further on in the text, verses 6-8 highlight the humility of Christ. "Jesus Christ selflessly and humbly did what was necessary to meet the needs of others, namely, to die on the cross as the sin-bearer. Paul's message to the saints is to have the same mindset as Christ" (RH Study Bible). 

"Pursuing unity with the body of Christ flows from union with Christ" (RH Study Bible Notes: Philippians 2:1-4). 

In order to be more like Christ, we have to know Him more by spending time with Him in prayer. 

Today, our final lesson together brings us full circle back to where we started. To prayer. We have been focusing on the many areas Satan attacks our prayer life—our identity, fears, pressures, past and so on. All of these areas of our lives are well protected through prayer. As we learned in Ephesians, "Submit to God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you."

• Look over the Contents Page at the beginning of the book and circle the strategy you struggle the most to gain victory in. Keep your prayer card or a verse from that chapter in a key place where you can be reminded to pray often for this area of your life where Satan is attacking you.

I hope the following truths we learned on prayer will stay with you as they have stayed with me:

• The Purpose of Prayer: To proclaim God's glory  

"Ultimately, all prayer is for the glory of God. The best answer He can give to any prayer is whatever answer brings Him the most glory. "For His name alone is exalted; His glory is above earth and heaven" (Ps. 148:13). "Everyone who is called by My name," He says, has been created for My glory" (Isa. 43:7).…the "glory of the Lord"—a phrase repeated numerous times in the Bible—is when God reveals a glimpse of who He is. Awesomeness on display. Visible evidence of the vast significance of His being. When He reveals His glory, He is unwrapping a measure of His identity—some of His nature, His holiness, His power, His lovingkindness.… 

But watch what happens. Throughout history, throughout Scripture, we see God unwrapping additional features of His glory, revealing Himself to individuals in ways that are new and unexpected to them. Abraham, for instance, when God told him to offer his only son Isaac as a sacrifice (Gen. 22), had prior knowledge of God as Creator, as a guide, as a faithful promise-keeper. But in the context of this present challenge, God was about to unwrap a new element of His glory in a stunning display. 

The Bible's reporting of this event shows Abraham's stoic obedience to what God had said: "Take now your son, your only son, whom you love, Isaac, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering" (Gen. 22:2). But the irrationality of this divine command could not been lost to him. Isaac was the child of promise (Gen. 17:21). He was the miracle baby born to a hundred-year-old man and his ninety-year-old wife. To think, after twenty-five years of waiting, after the remarkable birth of this covenant child, that God would order Abraham now to kill him? It made absolutely no sense—the same way some of the events of your life perhaps seem to make no sense. You can't believe, as you pray, that this is happening. What is God doing? 

He is thinking of His glory.

Abraham expected that God would resurrect Isaac if he sacrificed him (Heb. 11:19). But on Mount Mariah, when the angel of the Lord saw Abraham's faith, when he stopped him from sacrificing Isaac, something unknown about God suddenly clicked. When Abraham heard the rustling of a ram in the nearby brush—an animal suitable as a sacrifice in Isaac's place—God was revealing Himself vividly as Jehovah Jireh, 'The Lord Our Provider.' He had kept this part of His glory somewhat hidden until He could reveal it at the exact, perfect moment when He knew Abraham would most value it and worship Him because of it. 

God could've demonstrated or shown Himself to be Abraham's provider in another way, at an earlier time. But He chose this way, and this time, so His glory would be revealed with maximum impact. 

This is God's pattern. He makes His glory known progressively in your life—and through your life—from one situation to the next." 

(Kendrick, The Battle Plan for Prayer)

• The Priority of Prayer: Prayer must be where we run FIRST! If a wealthy man in your town were to offer you $1,000 every morning for simply showing up at his doorstep at 6:00 am, would you be there? Of course! You know the value of money. Our God is offering us so much more in prayer—let prayer become your $1,000 each morning—the one thing you rearrange all other things around—knowing that it is prayer that will make you truly "wealthy." "In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (Colossians 2:3).

• The Power of Prayer: We learned the strength of praying Scripture, allowing the Spirit to impress the Word of God on our hearts. So, let's continue to write out our prayers and add verses to the pages. And let's hang them up in our prayer closets. While you don't have to have a prayer closet, I do highly recommend it. It will become a special, quiet place that you can run to often. The Bible does put great value on going to God in secret (Matt. 6:6). And, let's pray fervently, while living obediently.

• The Pattern of Prayer: You have to figure out what works best for you. The goal is that you are praying! If you overwhelm yourself with a journal and prayer cards and a long list of requests to the point that you never seem to have time to pray, then it's not working! Find something that works for you, that is motivating to you and grow with it. 

FIRST, always remember to come into His presence with Thanksgiving. Praise leads to adoration, which is the best place to start. This is where we pause and reflect on our great God and all He has done. 

SECOND, Humble yourself before Him. Your heart of gratitude should lead naturally into this, where you confess your sins and ask the Lord to "create a clean heart" in you and "renew a right Spirit" in you (Psalm 51:10). 

Because I am a busy mom, I have chosen to divide up the next step, which is the asking of requests. This keeps me from getting overwhelmed and giving up: 

Morning Prayers: I start my morning by praying for the things that are Pressing (today's needs, struggles, decisions) and for my Inner Circle (husband, children, very close friends and family).

Evening Prayers: My husband and I choose to do this with our children before we tuck them into bed. It ends the evening on a sweet note and also teaches the children to care about the needs of others. This is when we will pray for extended family, friends, people at church, unsaved, children of friends and family that are unsaved, etc. On Saturday night, as we look ahead to Sunday, we will pray for the pastor and other leaders, including leaders of the country and missionaries. I have a friend who puts missionary prayer cards in a photo flip album on their kitchen table and they pray for a different missionary each night before supper. 

You can get as creative or be as simple as you like with this. My husband prefers to just pray for family and friends as they come to mind and as the Lord burdens his heart. He is a very caring person and often has several people on his mind throughout the day, so when he sits down to pray, it is not very difficult for him to know who to pray for. But, if you're afraid you might leave someone out, you can start a journal/list, or 3x5 cards in an accordion file where you put each family member or friend on a card and divide it up by nights. Or you can get really creative (for you Pinterest types) and have the kids make cards with the pictures of the people you are praying for. I also encourage you to at least once a week, allow the kids to pray. As you pray, you are teaching them how to pray. And as they pray, they are putting it into practice and learning that it is not just adults who can talk to God. Plus, you will be richly blessed as you hear their faith-filled, sincere prayers.    

We have seen in these lessons that we have a real enemy, but we know that he has already been defeated! Let's remember to look to our powerful God in prayer every day for the strength to overcome.

"Now unto Him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy,  

To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen." 

Jude 24-25

Thank you for being a part of this Spring Bible Study! May "the Word of Christ dwell in you richly" this summer in all wisdom as you seek Him before and above all else!

-jolene 

Strategy 9: Your Hurts (Turning Bitterness to Forgiveness: The Path to Freedom and Beauty as a Believer)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 9, "Your Hurts"
• Bible Reading: 2 Cor. 2:5-11, Matthew 18:23-25, Mark 11:25-26, Ephesians 4:31-32

"If I were your enemy, I'd use every opportunity to bring old wounds to mind, as well as the people, events, and circumstances that caused them. I'd try to ensure that your heart was hardened with anger and bitterness. Shackled through unforgiveness. 

Notes from the study: 

• Who has caused you pain in the past? Or at present?

• Are you struggling to FULLY forgive them? (i.e. Do you still shudder a little when you write their name? Do you speak poorly of them to others? Do you rehearse in your mind what you would say if you could really give them a piece of your mind for what they did to you? Do you point your finger when they do wrong to prove they were wrong in the past too? Do you avoid them? When their name comes across your phone, do you feel a strong emotion come over you?)

Common Signs of Bitterness:

• Gossip and Slander (Heb. 12:15-17) - having nothing good to say about this person

• Ungrateful and Complaining (Phil. 2:14) - murmuring to yourself and complaining to others about this person  

• Judges Motives (I Cor. 4:5) - even if this person tries to do something nice, you think his or her motive must be wrong 

• Self-Centered (Phil. 2:4) - thinking about yourself and focusing on the hurts done against you.

• Excessive Sorrow (Jn. 16:6) - hurt has crowded out your joy, peace or love  

• Vengeful (Rom.12:17, 19) - looking for ways to avoid this person, give the silence treatment or the cold shoulder to him or her

• Brooding (I Cor. 13:5) - playing the offense over and over in your mind

• Loss of Joy (Ps. 119:47) - lately, you have little or no delight in your relationship with the Lord

• A Critical, Judgemental Attitude (Matt. 7:5) - focusing on what this person has done wrong, rather than focusing on what you are doing wrong.

2 Corinthians 2:5-11, ESV:

"Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure—not to put it too severely—to all of you.  

For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough,  

So you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.   

So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.  

For this is why I wrote, that I might test you and know whether you are obedient in everything.  

Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ,  

So that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs."

  

Satan is working to cripple our effectiveness in prayer. In their book, "The Battle Plan for Prayer," the Kendrick brothers give ten locks of prayer, #9 being, "Praying with bitterness in your heart toward someone." They go on to say, 

"It is sinful to receive God's forgiveness, totally undeserved, and then consider ourselves exempt from the command and responsibility of forgiving others who've offended us. 

'Whenever you stand praying,' Jesus said, 'forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions' (Mark 11:25-26). 

Bitterness is a toxin that not only poisons us spiritually, mentally, even physically, but also poisons the effectiveness of prayer and the full experience of our relationship with God." 

His Forgiveness = Our Freedom

(Matthew 6:14: "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.") 

"Anything that dampens or deadens the freedom that God's mercy is meant to give us—can it really be worth holding onto?" -Fervent 

God knows how to deal with sin. Our sin, their sin. When you forgive, you're not wiping their actions away, but trusting God to handle it. 

Remember that scene in War Room, when Miss Clara says to Elizabeth, "He needs grace." And Elizabeth states that she doesn't think her husband deserves grace. Miss Clara hits the whole idea of forgiveness home for Elizabeth when she answers her with,

"Do you?"

"Do you deserve God's grace?" 

In our previous lesson, "Your Past," we learned what it means that we are forgiven in Christ—that His mercies are new every morning for us, that we are "rooted and grounded" in His love. It is this gospel message—the truth that God loves me and forgives all my sins though I do not deserve it—that compels me to forgive others. 

In Matthew 18: 23-35, Jesus tells the parable of a king that forgives one of his servants ten thousand talents. This man was to be sold, along with his wife and children in order to pay the debt. However, the king forgave the debt in full. This same servant then turns around and throws his servant who owed him a merger hundred pence into prison till he could pay the debt. When the king heard, he threw the servant in prison as well. Jesus ends the parable saying, "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

[Note: "God does not annul His forgiveness toward a repentant believer, but He will judge those who show their faith to be hypocritical by failing to show grace and forgiveness to others (James 2:13)." -Reformation Heritage Study Bible]

Just like in the parable above, when we have been forgiven so great a debt, how can we not forgive others for their minor offenses toward us by comparison? 

"When my mind is fixed on the gospel, I have ample stimulation to show God's love to other people. For I am always willing to show love to others when I am freshly mindful of the love that God has shown me. Also, the gospel gives me the wherewithal to give forgiving grace to those who have wronged me, for it reminds me daily of the forgiving grace that God is showing me. 

Doing good and showing love to those who have wronged me is always the opposite of what my sinful flesh wants me to do. Nonetheless, when I remind myself of my sins against God and of His forgiving and generous grace toward me, I give the gospel an opportunity to reshape my perspective and to put me in a frame of mind wherein I actually desire to give this same grace to those who have wronged me." -Milton Vincent, A Gospel Primer for Christians 

One of the ladies shared this quote from the book that really encouraged her:

"Realize you are lying back already in a vast blue ocean of forgiveness—same as me, same as all of us who've been redeemed through the blood of Jesus. So there's more than enough of His forgiveness splashing around you to extinguish all the flames of rage, hatred, bitterness, or animosity your enemy may have ignited within you. Remembering what Christ's redemption has done for you will make you eager to do it for another."  -Fervent

So, how do I forgive one who has hurt me?

1. Remember the forgiveness God has shown me (by preaching the gospel to myself everyday). This will compel me to forgive others.

2. Pray for the Lord's help and guidance.

"When galvanized with the living truth of God's Word, fervent prayer is the bucket that can dip down into the reserves of God's strength and pull up all the resolve you need for releasing other people from what they owe you." -Fervent 

Once we have made the hard choice to forgive this person, it does not end there. Remember what we read in 2 Cor. 2: "Forgive and Comfort." 

This is where we begin to live "obedient in everything" as verse 9 says. It is where we show kindness and love (Eph.4:32), where we go the second mile (Matt. 5:41) and rather than exchange evil for evil, we instead provide a blessing (I Peter 3:9). 

• What are some ways you can show love to the person who has offended you? 

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you." -Ephesians 4:31-32 

This is when we know God is truly doing a work in our hearts and teaching us His meekness and humility. When we are hurt, there are two different paths we can take:

1. Pride turns hurt feelings ("How could they do this to me?") into anger ("This makes me so angry!") and then into bitterness ("They are clearly wrong. I can't forgive this and I'll make sure others know how he/she has wronged me.") and finally into rebellion ("I don't want anything to do with him/her ever again!").

2. Humility turns hurt feelings ("Lord, what do you want me to do?") into a kind, tenderhearted, forgiving spirit ("I feel bad for him/her as they must really be struggling—I will pray for them.") and then into love ("I will not dwell on what they have done to me. I will show love to them as the Spirit leads.") and finally into full forgiveness ("I forgive them—not because they deserve it, but because God has forgiven me a much larger debt and I trust Him to avenge me.").  

• Read through pages 163-167 in our books again.

• Write a prayer card for the person(s) the Lord is prompting you to forgive. Speak the name(s) of the person(s) who've hurt you out loud while asking for a heart that genuinely desires to forgive and release them from the debt you feel they owe. Then, replace the underlined phrase with each person's name, "forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you" (Eph. 4:32).

It's easy to say a real Christian should love others—it's another whole thing entirely to forgive someone who has wronged you (especially someone close to you)—this is when our love, devotion and submission to God is truly tested. As we seek God's strength through prayer and the truths of His Word, He works in us His humility. Forgiveness draws a dividing line between the self-centered Christian and the Christian seeking to live obedient to God's Word and seeking to gain His humility through prayer. This was hard for me to accept when I realized I was harboring some bitterness against a few people who had wronged me in the past. I did not feel like I was being self-centered, rather merely standing up for what's right and just. But, the truth is, that's God's department. And in refusing to show love to the other person, I was making my life hugely important and hiding the truth of God's glorious gospel. 

After the lesson, we discussed the value of teaching this forgiveness to our children. Mostly, by our example. They hear how we talk about others and they see the way we respond to conflict. We challenged ourselves to live in full obedience to the Word and demonstrate to our children a beautiful picture of Christ-like love and forgiveness.

Let's end with some of the lines from the Getty's song, "Speak O Lord": 

"Take your truth, plant it deep in us; 

Shape and fashion us in your likeness, 

That the light of Christ might be seen today 

In our acts of love and our deeds of faith…

Teach us, Lord, full obedience, 

Holy reverence, true humility."

This Week:

• Pray for the person(s) whose name(s) you wrote on the prayer card above.

• Do an act of kindness as the spirit leads for that person this week (even if it's simply a phone call or text to see how they are doing and to let them know you are praying for them or if it is someone you live with, maybe a sincere smile or a small note of encouragement would be all they would need to feel assured of your love).

• Read the final chapter: "Your Relationships"

• And don't forget to: PRAY!!! By now, we should be realizing that prayer is as necessary to our lives as the water we drink each day. WE NEED OUR GOD!!! 

Strategy 8: Your Pressures (Reclaiming Peace, Rest, and Contentment)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 8: Your Pressures
• Bible Reading: Luke 10:38-42, Matthew 11:28-29

"If I were your enemy, I'd make everything seem urgent, as if it's all yours to handle. I'd bog down your calendar with so many expectations you couldn't tell the difference between what's important and what's not. Going and doing, guilty for ever saying no, trying to control it all, but just being controlled by it all instead…If I could keep you busy enough, you'd be too overwhelmed to even realize how much work you're actually saving me."

Notes from the study:

Life is busy! Especially with kids. Life is full of pressure! Especially with kids. As wives and mothers, we are needed on the front everyday. The thought of a day where we take our blanket, book and glass of iced tea and sit in a meadow or by the pool, without a care in the world (like "where did my two year old disappear to?" and, "What am I going to make for dinner tonight?" and "What time do we need to leave here to make it there on time?") seems like a distant memory in our past. And if family and household pressures are not enough, as Christians we are expected to be here and do that and get involved. And Facebook is telling us we need to go there and get our kids involved in that. And friends around us are planting gardens, raising chickens, planning vacations, signing their kids up for karate and soccer and music lessons, going to this co-op and this art camp and this is the burden of the 21st century. 

Let's get more specific:

• What are your responsibilities each week? (List these in order of priority)

•  What additional event/activities do you often find on your calendar?

• What does a typical week look like for you? (on Monday, on Tuesday…)

• Do you feel you have a good balance between work/activities/duties and rest?

•  When do you typically rest in a day? In a week?

•  What is truly restful to you? (nap, reading, warm bath, sitting in nature?)

• Do you feel guilty when you take a break?

•  Do you often compare your accomplishments with other women/moms?

• Do you get discouraged when a day passes and all you did was "keep the status quo"? 

• What are some of the main pressures you face? 

"Pressure. 

Pressure to keep up. Pressure to keep going. Pressure to stay ahead, stay afloat, stay relevant. Pressure to do for others what they maybe ought to be doing for themselves. 

Pressure to plan for your retirement years. Pressure to lose weight and stay young looking. Pressure to take on another ministry project at church. Pressure to always be the one they can count on to say yes. Pressure to jam another activity for your kids into the schedule. Pressure to do a better job of keeping a journal, organizing your pantry and closets, getting your Christmas shopping done early…then posting your clever thoughts and carefully posed pictures on Instagram when you're finished. 

Pressure to perform a certain way, look a certain way, dress a certain way, be interested in certain things. To be the perfect parent, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect employee, the perfect party planner, the perfect image of everything that everybody else expects you to be.  

Oh, and the pressure not to be the first one who cracks.

Under the pressure."

-Fervent

Personal Story: I am a doer. All my life, I would measure the success of my day based on the amount of accomplishments I would have. Then kids came and I did not consider changing diapers, changing bedding, sweeping floors, picking up toys, cooking dinner, cleaning marker off the couch or mud off the carpet as accomplishments. Those were merely keeping "the status quo." I still expected myself to perform above those tasks. To run a company, get projects done and advance in my day. To basically be "superwoman." 

Enter Migraines. 

Frequent migraines were God's chosen lot for my life to keep me from being able to accomplish ANYTHING in my day, showing me that His purposes would still come to pass. To realize that all that mattered is what God wanted done in a day. And for those things, He provided the grace, strength, ability, time. I learned to rest in God's plan for the day. That no matter the interruptions or what didn't get done, I could be content in Him. I now challenge myself to view a day of minimal accomplishments as rich—so long as the needs of my family were met and my God worshipped.

Living life to the fullest does not mean filling our day to the fullest, but rather living in the fullness of God…seeking Him in stillness, knowing Him and His way, being who God created you to be! 

Someone said, "If all I do is read my Bible and pray, the day is not wasted." Busyness. The rush and the hurry. This keeps us from our devotion to God and our worship.

"You are only as spiritual as you are rested." -Dr. Jim Berg 

A friend of mine in college would hear me talk about my busy schedule and would often say to me: "Jolene, REST is worship too." 

Lessons from Martha's sister, Mary (cc Luke 10:38-42):

Jesus did not disapprove of Martha's role of serving, but of her attitude and neglecting of a more important role. Our primary role is to sit at Jesus' feet, to know Him. This is when we learn His purposes for us and for our day. If we do everything else first, we will never have time for this. Wise financial planners will encourage people doing a budget to take care of their giving and saving FIRST. Otherwise, there never seems to be enough money left at the end of the month to take care of these areas. It is the same with our time with God. 

"We can get caught in the same performance trap, feeling as though we must prove our love for God by doing great things for Him. So we rush past the intimacy of the Living Room to get busy for Him in the Kitchen—implementing great ministries and wonderful projects, all in an effort to spread the good news. We do all our works in His name. We call Him 'Lord, Lord.' But in the end, will He know us? Will we know Him?"

-Joanne Weaver, Having a Mary Heart in Martha World, p. 9

When we want to please God, but don't take the time to know Him, we busy ourselves doing what we think He wants rather than what we know He wants. This is when the pressure starts to build. We hear ourselves screaming inside at those important things, "Not now! I have to do this and I am needed here…" All our doing is then full of care and is in vain. 

"So often we give God the gift we think He needs rather than take time to find out what He desires.… 

Jesus' words to Martha are words to those of us who are overextended in service as well: "Only one thing is needed." We must take time to sit at Jesus' feet, to worship Him, to get to know Him better. When we put that first thing first, then He delights to reveal His will and our part in fulfilling it." 

- Joanne Weaver, Having a Mary Heart in Martha World

When our responsibilities and large to-do lists are like a wagon full of rocks, weighing us down, our Bible reading and prayer time become just another "rock" that I have to get done and dump off the wagon to lighten the load.    

"I cannot do everything, but I can do 'ONE THING'." - Joanne Weaver 

In the book, "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shearer she explained that when she was a young wife, new mom and in the ministry—feeling the strain—an older godly woman in ministry encouraged her to think of the different activities in her life as individual clear boxes. Our tendency, she told Priscilla, is to keep these boxes "equally full with identical amounts of ourselves and our effort." "This, we think, is what balance looks like. But in reality, this is the picture of a woman overworked, frustrated, and exhausted. A life out of balance."

"The way we achieve balance," she said to Priscilla, "is to consider prayerfully God's priorities for us in this current season of life and then rearrange the boxes accordingly—pushing some of them into the background, bringing others to the front. Into these primary boxes we place the best of ourselves and our effort, while perhaps totally emptying some of the others—at least temporarily—not because they're of any less overall significance but because they're not where we need to be allocating the best of our abilities and attention for the time being." 

Lessons from a Grape Vine (cc. John 15:1-5):

It was said of Hudson Taylor, the great missionary to China: "He was a joyous man now, a bright, happy Christian. He had been a toiling, burdened one before, with latterly not much rest of soul. It was resting in Jesus now, and letting Him do the work—which makes all the difference!" 

Hudson Taylor experienced this change in his life after receiving a letter from a fellow missionary, John McCarthy. In the letter, McCarthy wrote:

"To let my loving Savior work in me His will, my sanctification is what I would live for by His grace. Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto Him; trusting Him for present power; trusting Him to subdue all inward corruption; resting in the love of an almighty Savior, in the conscious joy of a complete salvation; willing that His will should truly be supreme—this is not new, and yet 'tis new to me. I feel as though the first dawning of a glorious day had risen upon me. I hail it with trembling, yet with trust. I seem to have got to the edge only, but of a sea which is boundless; to have sipped only, but of that which fully satisfies. Christ literally all seems to me now the power, the only power for service; the only ground for unchanging joy. May He lead us into the realization of His unfathomable fullness." 

Some time after receiving this letter, Hudson Taylor wrote to his sister:

"As to the work, mine was never so plentiful, so responsible, or so difficult; but the weight and strain are all gone." 

-They Know the Secret, Hudson Taylor  

I heard it once said of Jesus, "Is He worried? Is He troubled? Is He distressed? There's no wrinkle on His brow. No least shade of anxiety. Yet the affairs are as much His as mine." Jesus drew all His energy from the Father.  

This lesson is not necessarily about simplifying our calendars or learning to say, "No"—though some of us may need to sit down and prioritize and get rid—it is about releasing ourselves from the pressure to do all these things to please others or ourselves. It is about getting on our knees and saying "God, what do you want me to do today? Is this ministry opportunity in your plans for me? Will these things I'm planning to do bring you glory?" And then waiting for Him to show you. Prayer is where we release all our pressures to God and let Him take over. When we neglect prayer—seeking God first—we forfeit the carefree heart. 

"Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." 

-Matthew 11:28-29 

It is interesting to note the connection between meekness and rest in the above verses. Many of the pressures we face—especially those with people—would not be there if we would learn to follow the example of our Lord, and to allow Him to reign in our circumstances.

"The word [burden] Jesus used means 'a load carried or toil borne to the point of exhaustion.' Rest is simply release from that burden. It is not something we do; it is what comes to us when we cease to do. His own meekness, that is rest. 

There is the burden of pride. The labor of self-love is a heavy one indeed. Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you. As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace? The heart's fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest.…Such a burden is not necessary to bear. Jesus calls us to His rest, and meekness is His method. The meek man cares not at all who is greater than he, for he has long ago decided that the esteem of the world is not worth the effort. 

He develops toward himself a kindly sense of humor and learns to say, 'Oh, so you have been overlooked? They have placed someone else before you? They have whispers that you are pretty small stuff after all? And now you feel hurt because the world is saying about you the very things you have been saying about yourself? Only yesterday you were telling God that you were nothing…Come on, humble yourself and cease to care what men think.'…[The meek man knows that he is] in himself, nothing; in God everything. That is his motto.…As he walks on in meekness he will be happy to let God defend him. The old struggle to defend himself is over. He has found the peace which meekness brings." 

 -A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God: Meekness and Rest  

According to the chapter we read this week, our pressures attack our:

1. Freedom

We are not often tempted to bad things, but Satan can enslave us to good things. We read about the example of the Israelites as slaves and how God set them free and gave them the gift of rest, the Sabbath. We are now free from the pressure to do things because they are REQUIRED of us. Instead, we can now live out of love and appreciation for all the Lord has done for us. Our love for God should determine what fills our plate!

"Enough can be enough—not just on our calendars but in every area of our lives. Then we can sit back in the freedom that helps us start again tomorrow with our spirits rested, alert and renewed. 

We are called to serve, and serving often requires sacrifice. Not everything we're tasked to do should fit conveniently into our day. But a free woman possesses the God-given ability to know when He is truly asking her to do something—as well as the God-given ability to know when He's not. Then she has the God-given discernment to know her limits and the authority to know when she needs 'to cease, to stop, to pause'—accepting the gentle yoke of Jesus instead of the tyrannical yoke of slavery." 

-Fervent  

2. Significance 

We often tie our core value as a person to how much work we do. We turn busyness into a badge of honor. And we post it all on Facebook! 

We no longer know how to sit still. We're rarely satisfied with where we are or what we have. 

"It's why we can't embrace the one thing we're doing now because of the dozen other things we're not doing while we're over here doing this.

You've already received approval from the only One whose approval really matters. He has stamped His value on you, and that is enough. Even the activities He gives you to steward are not given to see how many balls you can juggle, but instead so you can participate with Him in staking a kingdom claim on the patches of ground where you live. Sure, there's sweat involve. Sore muscles. Dirt under your pretty fingernails. But these endeavors and hobbies and accumulated possessions of yours are meant to bring joy, to enhance relationships, to develop your gifts, to swell you with His blessing and contentment."  

-Fervent 

Pressures/Busyness keep us from:

1. Our devotion to God - "Be still and know" (Ps. 46:10) 

2. Contentment, peace, rest - ("If you would get a contented life…be sure of your call to every business you go about. Though it is the least business, be sure of your call to it; then, whatever you meet with, you may quiet your heart with this: I know I am where God would have me.…What God calls a man to, in that he may have comfort whatever befalls you. God will look to you, and see you blessed if you are in the work God calls you to." -Jeremiah Burroughs, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment) 

3. Knowing God's daily will - "Thy will be done" (Mat. 6) Giving the control of our day over to God. God's will does not need to be written in the sky. It is the natural response of the heart seeking Him. 

So…take your calendar—prioritize, pray about areas to simplify, insert intentional times for rest and worship, and feel guilty only if you have not sought time with God today! Because, once you seek Him, you will know what to do next.

"They that seek the Lord understand all things." 

-Proverbs 28:5

 Before Next Week:

• Read Chapter 9: "Your Hurts"
• Write a Prayer Card
• Pray!!!

Strategy 7: Your Purity (Staying Strong in Your Most Susceptible Places)

• Fervent Reading: Chapter 7, "Your Purity"
• Bible Reading: 1 Jn. 3:2-3, Isaiah 59:1-2, James 4:8, James 5:16  

"If I were your enemy, I'd tempt you toward certain sins, making you believe they are basically (even biologically) unavoidable. I'd study your tendencies and proclivities till I learned the precise conditions that make you the most likely to indulge them. And then I'd strike right there. Again and again. Wear you down. Because if I can't separate you from God forever, I can at least set you at odds with Him for the time being."

Notes from the study:

What is purity? 

When thinking about purity, we often think only in terms of sexual purity—being more careful with what we watch on TV, how we dress, what we talk about, and so on. While this is important, this is only a small part of what purity means for us as believers. Our God is holy—pure, sinless. He can have no fellowship with darkness. Anything that would offend this aspect of His nature would be considered a lack of purity in our lives. However, our purity is not based on how much we sin—a single drop of green dye will discolor a glass of water making it "impure." Nor are we speaking of our lack of sin—that would suggest that we have to achieve perfection and if that were possible, Christ died in vain. God forbid!

"Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is. 

And every man that hath this hope in Him purifieth himself, even as He is pure." 

-I Jn. 3:2-3 

What we are talking about today digs deep down into the soil of our hearts. We are talking about the difference between a Christian whose garden (heart) is NOT being tended to—full of weeds, lack of water—and the Christian who is faithful each day to pull those weeds (confess your sins before God as you seek Him in prayer) and water the soil (read God's Word and live it).  

"Keep your heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life." -Proverbs 4:23 

"It is not the cleansing of the hand that makes the Christian (for many a hypocrite can show as fair a hand as he), but the purifying, watching, and right ordering of the heart." -John Flavel, Keeping the Heart

"Unite my heart to fear Thy name." -Psalm 86:11 

The root system is there—both of the Christians in the example above are secure in their status before God and able to come before His presence, but only one (the latter) is pursuing God's path and allowing God the freedom to work and be involved in her life, to answer her prayers and make her life fruitful. 

We cannot fight the laws of nature when it comes to caring for our gardens. Without the proper elements, there will be no fruit. Likewise, we cannot fight the laws of God when it comes to living life. We must desire to live life His way, according to His Word. 

As we see in James 5:16, "Prayers that have power come from a person in pursuit of righteous living" (Fervent). 

Living Life God's Way (Seeking His Presence, His Beauty) 

"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [enjoy His presence] all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord [enjoy His goodness and glory in close fellowship with Him]."  -Psalm 27:4 

"When thou said, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto Thee,Thy face, Lord, will I seek." -Psalm 27:8 

"Give unto the Lord the glory due unto His name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness." -Psalm 29:2 

"The Lord Jesus found His own strength in God's presence with Him (Isa. 50:6-9), and His strength becomes ours through the Spirit (Phil. 1:18-19). Christ is thus everything to the believer, and the believer's great desire is to be with Him and see His beauty. He taught us to make Him our 'one thing' above all earthly treasure and activities (Ps. 27:4; Luke 10:42; 18:22). The apostle Paul likewise made Christ the 'one thing' he pursued (Phil. 3:8, 13). Let us seek Him in all that we do, and view all His good gifts as valuable only insofar as they help us to glorify and enjoy Him. What practical difference would it make in your life if you began to pursue Christ with this single-minded focus?" 

-Quote taken from Reformation Heritage Study Bible, "Thoughts for Personal/Family Worship: Psalm 27"

Satan is working hard to tempt us in our areas of struggle in order to divide us from this presence of God in our lives. 

Besetting sins…those nagging areas of your life that you wish you could change about yourself, but struggle to gain victory over. They are your weakest points. Your struggles. Your default setting when you are not yielded to the Lord in prayer and His Word. Things such as…Worry. Anger. Criticism. Unkind words. Impatience. Selfishness. Unhappiness. Lack of respect for our husbands. Neglect of the Word. And so on. The list is different for each of as. And none of our lists is more beautiful than the other. Sin is ugly in any form. And, it is keeping us from a vibrant relationship with our God. 

• What sin(s)/sinful habit (whether a specific action or an attitude) do you struggle the most to change and gain victory over?  

Paul knew of this struggle with the flesh. He says in Romans 7: 

"For what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I…For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do." 

Often we find ourselves making the same mistakes in our day. Reacting in the same negative way with our children. Getting on our husbands AGAIN. Choosing a grouchy spirit over joy. Stressing over the finances, rather than depending on God. Or, whatever. And here is the most devastating result of it all:

"Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, that He will not hear." -Isaiah 59:1-2

Our holy God cannot hear, cannot answer our prayers, because He cannot fellowship with unrighteousness. Our prayer rooms suddenly feel like they have "soundproof walls," as Priscilla puts it. 

"If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me." -Psalm 66:18

One area where Satan works hard to threaten our purity (i.e. where our lives are aligned with the teaching of Scripture and the transforming work of God's Spirit) and thus create a divide in our walk with God is in our marriages. He tempts us to make excuses, to justify, to compare, rather than to simply, singlemindedly love our husband and honor Him as God has wisely and lovingly commanded us to do in His Word.

In "The Battle Plan for Prayer," the Kendrick brothers discuss ten "Locks of Prayer" that restrict the freedom and effectiveness of our prayers. Number seven on their list really stood out to me in regards to this lesson on purity:

7. Praying while mistreating your spouse. When we're not treating with love and respect the one person in our life whom we've vowed to treat with love and respect, God makes special mention of it as an inhibitor to prayer. His warning is primarily to men: "Husbands…live with your wives in an understanding way…and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" (I Peter 3:7). But the same principle obviously cuts both ways. How can we expect to be at peace with God in prayer when we are sowing disunity in our own homes? Being ugly to our wives (or husbands) is a backbreaker in prayer. 

As we show honor to our husband, we show honor to our God. We live according to God's design for us. We basically say, "Lord, regardless of what my husband does or says, I am going to live right before You." James 3:18 says, "The fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace." Rather than sowing disunity in our homes and speaking rashly with our husband, we respond with "wisdom from above," according to verse 17, that is… 

"first pure, 

then peaceable, 

gentle, and easy to be intreated [easy to live with!], 

full of mercy and good fruits, 

without partiality [singleminded; see James 4:8], 

and without hypocrisy [sincere]."

• Write a prayer card for where you struggle to show honor to your husband or where disunity threatens to hinder your prayers. Write specific verses that can help you claim victory in these areas.

A Challenge for this Week:

I want to challenge us all—including myself—to honor God this week by whole-heartedly (with complete sincerity and commitment) honoring our husbands. In other words, we are not honoring our husband so that he will in turn treat us better or be more loving toward us. We are not showing love to our husband so that we can feel better about ourselves as a wife. We are pouring our hearts out in full commitment for the purpose of bringing glory to our God. Whether our husbands notice or we receive anything in return should not matter. 

Our goal is God's glory. 

Isn't that how we should be living anyway? Isn't that pure, righteous living? You see, to live pure does not mean to live in perfection. Or, we would all be in trouble! Our standing before God is complete (Read the verses on pages 129-130 in this chapter). We can come to God in prayer anytime, clothed in the righteousness of Christ. But, to live purely means to live with the right purpose—proclaiming God's glory. And the only way to show Him glory is according to His design. God could not accept Cain's fruit offering. An animal sacrifice was what He required. God is not glorified through good intentions. God is glorified through the heart that seeks Him in His Word and lives to honor what He says. 

Look at Moses. He made plenty of mistakes—he murdered a man, he was hesitant to take the role God assigned to him, he often lost his patience and displayed anger with the Israelites and in the end his disobedience to the Lord's instruction cost him final entrance into God's chosen land for His people. Yet we read in Hebrews 3:1-2 that "Moses was faithful in all God's house."

"[Moses] was not perfect, but he was purposeful. He wasn't without mistake, but he was marked by God's presence. He marched to a higher standard, an overriding and compelling force that drew him to desire what mattered to His God more than what mattered to other people." -The Resolution for Woman, Priscilla Shearer. 

Are you up for it? The challenge.

We are tired. The kids are full of needs. The house is in a state. Our husbands can sometimes ask for the ridiculous. But all of these things are secondary to our calling from God to love and serve our husbands. To be his helpmeet. Let us set aside everything else this week. This will be our primary focus. To the praise of His glory! 

So, let's get started… 

• Write a list of things you can do this week to show honor to your husband (specifically things that you know are important to him - not things that just make you feel like a good wife. For example, I know my husband loves when I get up in the morning and make breakfast for him. So that will be on my list! This is the time to do those ridiculous things that he wants from you that you never saw sense in before. Or, those things that he doesn't ask of you now that you are busy with the kids, but you know it would mean the world to him).

• Commit this list to God. Ask for His strength. Tell God of your desire to honor Him. 

• Pray each morning for the Holy Spirit to help you see what your husband needs that day. Then, pray for your husband. 

• Wake up with a smile for your husband. And go to sleep with a smile. This is a week where we try to say nothing negative, no griping, no complaining. Consider this a vacation for your husband. A week where he can rest as you focus all your attention on God's glory rather than your own!

Warning: Do not expect for your husband to respond in kind. This is not about improving your marriage. This is about honoring God. And, do not expect this to be easy. When you fail (like when I oversleep and don't make his breakfast!), consider it a neglect against God—go to God in prayer, confess it and ask Him for His strength to do better tomorrow. When you seek to honor God alone, He will strengthen you for that which you have committed to Him.

"Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass." -Psalm 37:5 

Whether our struggles with sin are with our husbands, our children, our circumstances, we must daily bring these sins before our holy God—confessing them and seeking His strength to overcome. Then, our prayers will be heard and our lives will have peace and the presence of God. "And the work of righteousness shall be peace and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance forever" (Isaiah 32:17).  

In the Battle Plan for Prayer, the Kendrick brothers also list ten "Keys of Prayer." Number 9 really stood out to me in regard to this lesson:

9. Praying while abiding in Christ and His Word. Jesus said, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you" (John 15:7). Abiding means staying in close fellowship with someone. It involves spending time in God's Word, allowing it to fill our hearts and guide our thinking, walking in obedience to what He tells us to do (John 15:10), receiving God's love, then pouring it back out on Him and the people around us (John 15:9,12). Lastly, abiding means staying clean before God (John 15:3; I John 1:9) by not allowing "ungodliness" or sin to build up or go unconfessed. It is within this context that our prayer lives are opened up into a fresh vibrancy, fruitfulness, and effectiveness before God (John 15:5). John 15:7 implies that abiding in this way opens up our prayers to also ask for good things that our hearts desire.

So if our God does not demand perfection, what does he require? According to Micah 5:8, "What does the Lord require of you, but…

To do justly,

To love mercy,

To walk humbly with your God." 

Before Next Week:

• Read Chapter 8 in Fervent: "Your Pressures" 
• Write prayer card for the chapter
• Pray!